Week 9 - The Marriage That Evolves And Deepens Over Time (Instead of Growing Apart)

Laura Amador
5 days ago
5 min read

Week 9 of The Softening Series: 10 Weeks of Deepening My Marriage

The Marriage That Evolves And Deepens Over Time (Instead of Growing Apart)

Happily ever after?

There’s something about a good romantic period drama that will always have my heart. For example, one of my all time favorites is, of course, Pride and Prejudice. The tidy arcs. The swelling music, and sweeping landscapes. The moment where everything finally makes sense and you just know the characters you’ve come to love will finally have their happily ever after.

But if I’m honest, what I really love, especially in this season of my life, are the stories that don’t resolve so cleanly.. or at all. The ones that follow a marriage over time. Through the years. Through the messiness and confusion of life. Through the very real ups and the downs.

During my postpartum recovery, I’ve been binge watching Poldark on Netflix. (It's so good!) I read the books years ago, but watching it now, with a new baby in my arms and a strong marriage supporting me.. it’s landing differently. What I love most is how real the marriages feel.

They're complicated and imperfect. At times, passionate, at others, painful and confusing. There is no neat “happily ever after.” Instead, the story keeps unfolding, through tragedy and loss, disconnection and devotion, longing and commitment.

The main characters (Ross and Demelza) don’t get it right much of the time. Sometimes they hurt each other deeply. Sometimes they don’t know how to bridge the distance between them. And yet, again and again, they choose their marriage. They keep coming back to each other time and again, even in their darkest hours. Even when starting over with someone new seemed like the better option.

The marriage that evolves and deepens over time (instead of growing apart)

I used to believe that saying that “marriage is hard work”. But I don't think the wording captures the full picture correctly. Because yes- without knowing how to create and deepen connection, marriage can absolutely be hard, and it's easy to grow apart over time. However, I believe that marriage, when you do have the Intimacy Skills, feels simple, safe, and warm. Like a soft place to land and know you're loved just as you are.

And still… LIFE has hard seasons, and so by proxy I believe, so does marriage. And that’s okay. We are all still mortal beings with complicated emotions, and perfection is not the goal. It’s LOVE, even through the imperfection and the challenges.

Life is a mystery package that contains joy and pain, loss and beauty, tragedy and tenderness. And if we open ourselves to it, it also includes the greatest gift of all- LOVE. Intimacy. And commitment.

What I’m learning is that marriage, even a deeply resourced one, is never tied up with a neat bow and a happily ever after. It’s not a finish line you cross and then coast until death do you part.

That would be boring anyway. Marriage, if we let it be, is a living thing. An ever-evolving relationship. An invitation into curiosity. Into growth. Into knowing myself, and my husband, more deeply with each passing season.

👉 If you're looking for actionable steps if your marriage has grown apart, this is the best place to start: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection In Your Marriage

The marriage I'm choosing again and again

Lately, as I hold my children and watch my husband move through our home, I feel the weight and wonder of my lineage. I think about the marriages that came before me. What was modeled. What was carried in silence. What hardened out of necessity.

Before, I used to feel like my marriage was just about us- our happiness, our connection, our struggles. Now I feel how much bigger it is. How the way I soften here ripples outward. How the moments I choose curiosity over defensiveness, warmth over withdrawal, repair over righteousness… they are quietly shaping the emotional inheritance my children will carry.

This week’s softening hasn’t been dramatic. It’s been subtle. A deepening reverence for the story we’re living. A gentler grip on the idea that marriage should look a certain way. A quiet gratitude for the fact that I get to keep choosing my marriage, not because it’s perfect, but because it’s alive and ever evolving, and I want to find out what comes next.

And I find myself wondering: What if the legacy isn’t perfection… but presence? What if healing doesn’t look like “getting it right,” but like staying open and choosing to return again and again? What if the greatest gift we give ourselves (and our children) is not a flawless marriage, but a real one, softened by love and vulnerability?

How softening reaches further than we might think

This week has been a reminder of something I hold deeply: when you soften your marriage, you heal your lineage and create so much hope for the generations that follow. Through choosing warmth and presence, through allowing marriage to be a living, breathing journey rather than a problem to solve, you can break personal and relational patterns, and even generational patterns.

We don’t create generational healing by being perfect. We heal our lineage by being honest, by staying open and soft, and by letting love mature instead of calcify. It’s a ripple effect, where our marriage story influences our community, our children, and generations to come.

As this series moves toward its close (next week is part 10 of 10!), I feel so much gratitude for the lessons, the tenderness, and the remembering I’ve experienced. And so much hope for what’s possible when we treat marriage not as a destination, but as a sacred unfolding.

Your story matters. Your softening matters. And the legacy you’re creating, often quietly, in ordinary moments, is more powerful than you know.

Your invitation: an offering for you (and your future)

Set aside a quiet pocket of time, even just ten minutes is enough. Light a candle if that feels supportive. Place a hand on your heart.

And write a love letter.

You can write it to your future self.

Or to your children.

Or to your younger self.

Write about the marriage you are softening into. The tone of the home you’re creating. The way love is spoken, repaired, and embodied by you. Let it be honest, tender, imperfect, real.

There’s no right way to do this. No performance. Just honesty and devotion to the story of your marriage that is unfolding, and that you want to open yourself up to experiencing.

When you’re done, close the letter with gratitude for the growth that’s already happened, and for the chapters still to come.

I’ll be writing mine alongside you. Thank you for softening with me.

Xoxo,