How I’m Filling My Cup So I Can Stay Soft -Week 3 of The Softening Series: 10 Weeks of Deepening My Marriage

Catch up on Week 2 of the Softening Series- What I’m releasing so Love Has Room to Breathe.

How I’m filling my cup so I can stay soft -Week 3 of The Softening Series: 10 weeks of deepening my marriage

Learning to nourish before I’m empty

I’m finding myself in that enjoyable in-between space where I’m still feeling like myself, still moving my body, still in my familiar rhythms, but aware that a big transition is coming.

In just a few weeks, I’ll step into a season of postpartum. And while I feel grounded and my cup is brimming right now, I know from experience that the things that fill my cup today (like my daily Pilates, long walks with my dog, brunch with my sisters, book club nights, my evening stretch sessions with tea) won’t fit in the same way once the baby arrives.

In the past, I’ve waited until I was already worn down to realize I needed something different. I’d feel resentment building.. the silent frustration that no one seemed to notice how much I was giving and how little I was receiving. But I’ve learned that softness in marriage begins long before the exhaustion sets in. It starts with choosing to nourish myself with intention and purpose.

So this week, I’ve been creating my new self-care list, one designed to help me fill my cup and deepen my marriage in the postpartum season ahead. One that makes me excited to live my life, even in the slower, quieter, milk-stained days of early motherhood. Because when I feel alive and cared for, I love better. I listen better. I laugh more easily. I soften. My marriage deepens.

And honestly, that’s what I want most- to stay soft and open through this next chapter, not closed or depleted.

Here’s what my new list looks like. This is my way of keeping my own cup full so I can pour from love, not survival. Feel free to grab some ideas and start thinking about what you want to add to your own list!

My personal self-care list for my transition season - postpartum (starting early December):

1. Getting a mani/pedi (I’m thinking red of course!)

2. Wearing fuzzy, fun socks

3. Wearing deliciously soft, snuggly sweatpants and cute tops

4. Slow, easy walks with my dog and the baby cozy in my wrap

5. Receiving all the help offered to me

6. Holiday movies with my kids

7. Delighting in holiday decorations

8. Lighting a Christmas-scented candle

9. Baking Christmas cookies with the kids

10. Snuggling the baby alllllll day long

11. Holiday music filling the house

12. Welcoming guests who want to drop by

13. Calling at least one friend or family member each week

14. Taking abundant naps, guilt-free

15. Receiving coaching (to help me continue deepening my marriage)

16. Getting a facial or a massage

17. Using heating pads on my shoulders during long nursing sessions

18. Sipping delicious teas in beautiful fine china cups

19. Receiving massages from my husband (hehe, pure desire alert!)

20. Puzzles, games, and books with my kids

Just writing this list made me feel lighter, like I’m already choosing joy. I’ve gone from feeling slightly stuck (thinking about all the things I won't be able to do while healing and having crummy weather), to DELIGHTED and EXCITED to step into this next season! I love that I can design a life that feels good to live, no matter how life is evolving.

Your self-care recalibration

Want to soften alongside me this week?

I’d love to invite you to make (or update) your own self-care list. Take the time to make one that will truly get you pumped up right now. Not the season you wish you were in, not the “someday when things calm down” list, but the one that honors you now.

💭 Ask yourself: Does my current self-care still get me to a 10 on my “ridiculously happy” scale? If not, that’s okay. That just means it’s time to re-evaluate and recalibrate. Don’t skip it! You’re too important, and your marriage is too precious to not do the (fun!) work that makes it magical.

✨ So here’s my invitation to you:

Make a list of twenty things that would truly fill your cup right now (or in the season you’re entering). Not the version of you from six months ago, or even one month ago. Not the idealized, “perfect balance” version of you. Just you in this exact chapter.

And as you write, let yourself feel it. Give yourself permission to GET EXCITED about your life again! You deserve it, and your marriage will be better for it.

Because when you’re lit up, even by something as simple as fuzzy socks or a good cup of tea, that energy spreads. It changes how you move through your home. It changes the tone of your marriage. It changes you.

The overflow effect of a well-lived life

The deeper I go into this softening journey, the more I realize that self-care isn’t just about feeling good, it’s about staying connected. To myself. To my husband. To my desires. To my joy. To my passion. To love.

When I am well-nourished, I show up with more patience, more playfulness, more affection. My husband doesn’t need to guess what kind of version of me he’ll get that day, because he feels my steadiness and my warmth. My fullness creates emotional safety and intimacy for both of us.

This is the well-lived life in action- the pillar that reminds me that joy and rest aren’t luxuries; they’re legacy. My children learn softness by watching me receive self-care. My marriage deepens because I’m not waiting to burn out before tending to my needs.

So if you’re in a season of change or feeling stuck, whether it’s a busy holiday season, bracing for the cold of winter, a demanding job, or just emotional fatigue, give yourself this gift: create a self-care plan now. Fill your cup before it’s empty. (But hey, if it's already empty- that's ok. Better late than never!)

Because when we’re well-nourished, we love from overflow. And that kind of love is the softest, yet strongest force in the world.

You’ve got this!

With warmth and excitement for what’s ahead,

Laura Amador

Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert 

PS. New Here? The best place to start is with my free guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection In Your Marriage

PPS. Want to share your own thoughts and reflections with me? I'd love to hear! Email me at: info@coachlauraamador.com