A New Season Of Love - Week 1 of The Softening Series: 10 Weeks of Deepening My Marriage

Laura Amador
7 days ago
6 min read

A new season of love - week 1 of the softening series: 10 weeks of deepening my marriage

I felt it last week... That familiar tightness creeping in.. the growing doubts and anxiety when I thought about my upcoming due date in December. The mental spiral of will we actually be able manage four kids and what if I can't handle it and everything's about to change and I'm not sure if I’m ready.

And then, the hardening. I could hear my own voice getting just a little bit sharper. My expectations a little tighter. My body a little more rigid. I could feel myself starting to brace- preparing for overwhelm instead of preparing for love.

I've been here before. And I know where it leads.

When I didn't soften

When our first baby arrived, I was a mess of control and criticism. Sleep-deprived and urgently trying to be perfect, I convinced myself that I was the only one who could do it right. I micromanaged every diaper change, every feeding, every cry. I was impatient with my husband, critical of his efforts, and chronically upset about everything he wasn't doing "correctly".

I wasn't soft. I was hard. Judgmental. Defensive. Closed.

And my marriage suffered for it. Intimacy couldn't breathe in all that tightness. Connection couldn't grow in all that control.

It wasn't his fault. It was mine. I'd hardened myself right out of love.

What I know now

I know something now that I didn't know then: transitions don't have to harden me. In fact, they are rich with possibility for softening and deepening my marriage.

Whether it's a new baby, a season change, a busy month, hosting family, or just the everyday micro-transitions that send us spinning, we always have a choice. We can brace and control and tighten... or we can soften by being intentional and open.

Here's what I've learned: when I don't intentionally prepare my heart before a transition, my marriage suffers. I get stressed, cranky, impatient, negative. I forget to fill my cup. I lose my softness. And intimacy simply can't flourish when I'm running on empty and operating from survival mode.

But when I do prepare, when I get ahead of the transition with intention and care, everything shifts. The transition becomes an opportunity to deepen my marriage, to discover new parts of myself, to become curious about how our relationship is evolving along with our ever-changing lives, and to explore depths of love I didn't know were possible.

That's why I'm doing this now. Before baby #4 arrives. Before the sleepless nights so I never reach a point of feeling like I'm in chaos or overwhelm.

I'm choosing to soften now, so I can stay soft then.

My vision: how I want to feel

So I'm spending some time getting clear. Crystal clear. About how I want to experience this season, and how I want to feel in my marriage as we welcome our fourth baby.

Here's what I'm calling in:

I want to feel soft. Even in the exhaustion, even amongst the messiness that comes with healing and having four kids around, even when things don't go as planned. I want my heart open, my voice gentle, my body relaxed. I want to stay tender instead of uptight.

I want to feel connected. To myself. To my husband. To the sacredness of what we're building together. I want us to move toward each other during this transition, not away. I want intimacy that deepens, not disappears.

I want to feel joyful. I want to laugh with him in the middle of the night when we're both delirious. I want to catch his eye across the room and feel grateful. I want our home to feel light and warm, even in the chaos.

I want to feel alive. Not emotionally depleted. Not martyred. Not running on fumes. I want to prioritize rest, cozy cuddles, play, and self-care - because when my cup is full, I have so much more love to give.

I want to feel curious. About who we're becoming as parents of four. About how this season will stretch us and grow us. About what new depths we'll discover in each other. I want to approach this transition with wonder, not fear.

I want to feel proud. Of the legacy we're creating. Of the emotionally fit family we're building. Of the way we're choosing love, day after day, season after season.

This is my vision. This is what I'm softening into.

And I'm not leaving it to chance. I'm preparing for it. Intentionally. Deliberately. With my whole heart.

Why I'm softening (and why you might want to, too)

Maybe you're not preparing for the same type of season that I am. But I'd be willing to bet you're preparing for something.

A holiday season that always stresses you out. A busy work season. Family visits. The approaching new year. Or maybe you're not facing a transition at all - maybe you've just been stuck in your marriage for a while, and you're tired of feeling hard, guarded, and disconnected.

Here's what I want you to know: softening isn't weakness. It's the bravest thing you can do.

Softening means letting down your guard even when you're unsure. It means staying open even when it's easier to close. It means choosing integrity, aligning your actions with your values, instead of pretending everything's fine while you quietly harden from the inside out.

This is what I'm inviting you into over the next 10 weeks: The Softening Series.

I'm putting myself through an intentional season of softening before baby arrives, and I'm inviting you to come along with me. I'll share my process, my experiences, my reflections, and my messy middle moments in real time. And every week, I'll leave you with an invitation to soften alongside me. Not as a spectator. As a participant.

Because this work is definitely better when we do it together.

Your Invitation This Week

Here's what I'm inviting you to do this week.. two simple but powerful practices:

1. Identify one area where you've hardened.

Maybe it's your heart... you've built walls to protect yourself from disappointment.

Maybe it's your voice... it's gotten sharper, more critical, more guarded.

Maybe it's your expectations... you've tightened your grip on how things "should" be.

Maybe it's your body... you're holding tension, bracing for impact, staying rigid.

Just notice it. Name it. Don't judge it.

And then ask yourself: What would it feel like to soften here?

2. Create your own vision for this season.

Get quiet. Get honest. And ask yourself:

How do I want to feel in my marriage right now, or in the season I'm moving toward?

Not how you think you should feel. Not what would look good on paper. But how you actually, truly want to feel.

Do you want to feel peaceful? Playful? Connected? Seen? Alive? Joyful? Safe? Passionate? Desired?

Write it down. Let yourself dream. Let yourself want what you want.

This is your vision. And it matters. Because when you get clear on how you want to feel, you can start making choices that align with that vision. You can start softening into the marriage, and the life, you actually want to live.

What I'm Learning

Softening is an act of courage. It's integrity in motion.. bringing your truest, wisest self into your marriage instead of your defended, hardened self.

And here's the beautiful part: when you soften, your marriage deepens. Not because everything suddenly becomes perfect, but because you become available for love again.

I'm doing this now, before the transition, before the chaos, because I know what's possible when a woman stays soft. I've tasted it. I've lived it. And I want more of it.

I have a feeling you do, too.

So let's soften together. Let's prepare our hearts. Let's choose love, even when (especially when) everything's about to change.

This is just the beginning. Stay tuned- there's so much more to come!

Xoxo,