Should marriage be 50/50? Learn why equal effort isn't always the goal and how letting go of scorekeeping can strengthen your marriage.

How Quitting Social Media Changed My Marriage When I Realized We'd Become That Couple Glued To Their Screens I self-counsiously looked around the restaurant, trying to gauge if anyone was seeing what I was seeing… That we were one of those couples.. You know.. the ones who just stare at their phones while waiting for their meals to arrive instead of engaging in conversation, and (what?!)… actually CONNECTING. Screens had long been a point of contention between us. My husban

My husband won't communicate with me: the communication breakthrough that builds real intimacy “The secret to a happy marriage is communication”. Hmm.. I wondered.. If that was true.. Then why weren’t we happy? We sure did a lot of communicating. … Or did we? On second thought, I did a lot of communicating. He did a lot of quietly sitting through our talks with very little feedback. It was frustrating and exhausting to be married to someone who couldn’t communicate. Especia

How to thrive during family visits so they don't put stress on your marriage There’s a Mexican proverb that says, “guests, like fish, begin to stink after three days”. I never quite understood the meaning.. Until I became the one hosting. If you’ve ever had guests come and stay with you for an extended period of time, you may have also experienced the stress and tension that can put on you (and your marriage). There’s something deeply vulnerable about being seen, really se

This is the hidden habit that hurts your marriage

The only one trying in your marriage So many wives who are carrying their marriage alone, are often so open to having the tough conversations and more than willing to work on the relationship. But the harder they work, the more distant their husband seems to become. If you're the only one trying in your marriage, you’re probably exhausted from feeling like you’re the only one trying in your relationship. Frustrated that if it weren’t for you, the marriage might already be ov

My Husband Keeps Disappointing Me: Why It Hurts So Much (And What to Do About It) If you've found yourself thinking, "My husband keeps disappointing me," I want you to know you're not alone. In fact, this is one of the most common struggles I hear from wives. Maybe you've had the same conversation dozens of times. Maybe you've asked for more help, more connection, more affection, or more partnership. Maybe he says he understands. Maybe he even tries for a little while. And th

I feel unheard in my marriage A woman once told me:"I don't even bring things up anymore. I’ve told him how I feel a hundred times and it makes no difference, so what’s the point?” The truth was.. she was far from happy. She was lonely and frustrated. She still wanted connection. She still wanted to feel known. She still wanted to believe her husband cared about what was happening in her heart. She wanted to feel like a team and feel cared for. She just didn't know how to ke

A client of mine came to me with a challenge I hear all the time. Her husband had been distant for months. He'd come home, go straight to his phone, give her one-word answers, and fall asleep without really talking to her. They were living parallel lives under the same roof, and she couldn't figure out what had happened to them. She told me she'd tried everything. She'd brought it up. She'd asked him what was wrong. She'd cried. She'd pulled back to see if he'd notice. Nothin

What if the secret to deeper connection in your marriage wasn't about having better conversations, but about creating a space where both of you finally felt safe enough to be real? That's what we're talking about today. Emotional safety. It might not be the phrase you were searching for, but if you've been feeling disconnected, walking on eggshells, or managing your husband more than enjoying him, it's almost certainly what's missing. In this post, you'll learn what emotional

Why do I feel like I have to do everything myself in my marriage? It's exhausting to feel like you have to carry the mental load in a marriage. Not just physically doing things (like driving kids around, house work, paying bills, etc), but thinking about everything. Planning everything. Managing the timing, the details, the emotions, the experience. And somehow, even when your husband is helping, you still feel stressed, frustrated, or alone in the responsibility of it all. S

Trying to have a respectful marriage but you keep slipping You've committed to making your marriage better, and you know that means being intentional about how you interact with your husband. Maybe you've even begun learning and applying the Six Intimacy Skills. You genuinely want this to work, and for a little while, it does. You catch yourself before you say the thing, you bite your tongue, you try the skills and something softens between you and your husband, and you think

When you can't agree with your husband It is incredibly frustrating to feel like you and your husband are always on opposite sides, unable to see eye to eye or make decisions together as a team. You look at other couples who always seem to be on the same page and wonder, how do they do it? Maybe you have even wondered, after years together, whether you and your husband have such different values, perspectives, and desires that you will never truly feel like a unit. That can b

Spring cleaning my heart for a deeply fulfilling marriage this season I have a ritual I do at the turn of each season that I've found sets me up for a joy-filled and love-filled season in my marriage. I call it the 10-10-10 Challenge, and it only takes a few minutes. There's something about taking the time every few months to sit down with a journal and a latte, and to get super clear about how I'm currently feeling, honest about what I want to experience. It helps me to be i

How to get your husband to step up when he lacks initiative At first, I created chore charts so my husband and I would both know exactly what needed to be done around the house, how often, and by whom. When this failed, I started delegating tasks day by day. This worked a bit better… The only problem? I felt like his mother when what I really wanted was to feel like his lover. Even with all the constant delegating and assigning tasks, I would come home from work day after da

How to revive a dead marriage (without another difficult conversation) My marriage feels dead You remember what it felt like when things between you two were good. Maybe it was early on, when everything felt easy and you actually liked being around each other. Or maybe it was somewhere in the middle of life getting busy, a vacation, a quiet season, a moment that reminded you of what you had. And now you're here because that version of your marriage feels really far away. Mayb

My husband and I argue about everything If you've ever gone to bed after another argument, staring at the ceiling wondering how you ended up here again, this is for you. Maybe it started as a comment about how you handled dinner, or the way you spoke to the kids, or the money that got spent without a conversation first. And somehow, ten minutes later, you're both dug in, defending your corner, and the original topic doesn't even matter anymore. What matters now is being unde

If you're feeling resentful in your marriage even though you love your husband and keep trying, this is for you. You haven't done anything wrong. You haven't become a bitter person. But something has been quietly building for a long time, and this post will help you finally see it clearly and more importantly, show you a way forward that doesn't require trying harder than you already are.

How to create emotional intimacy with an emotionally distant husband My husband and I were sitting on the couch after dinner several years ago. The kids were in bed, the house was finally quiet. We were right there (maybe twelve inches apart) and I felt completely alone. Not angry. Not in crisis. (In fact, things were pretty peaceful). But I felt lonely. And the strangest part? If you had asked either of us how our marriage was going, we both would have said, "pretty good!"

Why you feel lonely in your marriage (even when your husband is right there) You love your husband. But lately you can lie right next to him in bed… and still feel completely alone. You pass each other in the kitchen. You sit side by side on the couch. And yet there’s this gap between you that you can’t quite name, and can’t quite close. And the loneliest part? You’re the only one who seems to care about closing it. If that’s you right now, I want you to know: you are not alo