How Quitting Social Media Changed My Marriage

Laura Amador
4 days ago
6 min read

How Quitting Social Media Changed My Marriage

When I Realized We'd Become That Couple Glued To Their Screens

I self-counsiously looked around the restaurant, trying to gauge if anyone was seeing what I was seeing…

That we were one of those couples..

You know.. the ones who just stare at their phones while waiting for their meals to arrive instead of engaging in conversation, and (what?!)… actually CONNECTING.

Screens had long been a point of contention between us.

My husband enjoyed video games after work and like many people, found entertainment in Tiktok.

I would silently judge him for his use and enjoyment of these apps.

But I was also a hypocrite..

While in principle I disliked social media, I had become addicted to it.

I realized this by the way I would open up my phone to call my mom and somehow end up scrolling through endless reels.

I really hated how social media made me feel anxious, but most of all, I hated how it distracted me from everything that really mattered - MY REAL LIFE.

I would laugh at the unlikely friendship between a goat and a kitten one minute, then be crying about babies across the world the next.

By the time it came to connecting with the people right in front of me, like my kids and my husband, I was emotionally fried.

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Why I Decided to Quit Social Media

It all came to a head as I sat across the table from my husband in this restaurant, parted only by our fried calamari and our screens. I started to consider my values.

What do I stand for? What do I stand against? What do I believe really matters in life and what is my purpose?

I wasn’t just questioning my phone anymore.. I was questioning the woman my choices were carving me into.

I guess you could say I had a bit of an existential crisis, or perhaps better said - an awakening.

I realized that among other things, I wanted to be a woman who is deeply present in her own life. Who is well lived, well fed, well socialized, and well connected to her loved ones.

I wanted to eat delicious foods, laugh like heck, have soulful friendships, learn an instrument, and walk outside with bare feet.

I wanted to be a passionate woman.

And there were too many unnecessary distractions in my life that were getting in the way of this.

As the waiter brought my second round of diet coke, I made the decision to start right then and there. To eliminate everything that was not going to support my vision of being deeply present in my own life. Starting with social media.

As I logged out of all my accounts and deleted the apps, I felt an immediate sense of relief… that is, until I was waiting in a long line of strangers for the restroom.

I felt awkward and lost without my phone in my hand to quell my momentary boredom and keep me busy. Worst of all- I was suddenly exposed to the possibility of making eye contact or conversation with another human (how terrifying!)

My public social skills felt rusty, but they were there in case they were needed. I soon realized I was the only one not looking down at a phone, and I suddenly felt like I had quite an advantage. I could people-watch. (People really are so interesting!)

When I came back to the table and told my husband all about my decision, I was already feeling more connected to myself. And as he listened and supported me, I was already feeling more connected to him.

What Changed In My Marriage After I Left Social Media

Just like unhappy people don’t typically have happy marriages, distracted people don’t typically have deeply connected relationships.

If I wanted more connection in my marriage, I needed to be deeply present in my life. And eliminating distractions and social media helped me do exactly that.

Now that I’ve been completely off all socials for seven years, then more recently for a year and a half (I came back on for a bit in between), I’ve noticed I feel much less anxious. I feel more grounded and present. I laugh at the silly things my children do instead of random reels.

I notice my husband’s bids for connection and feel so much more positively tuned into us. I greet him at the door and spend time with him rather than going back to what I was watching.

My patience and my time have expanded tenfold. I think that’s for two reasons. The first is obvious, I’m no longer wasting time on these apps. The second is that instead of doing something that drains me (social media) I have so much more time now for things that energize me and bring me joy.

All the time I used to waste scrolling I now use reading books ripe for book club discussions. Instead of scrolling while waiting for the oven to pre-heat or water to boil, I practice the harmonica. Instead of liking a friend’s picture, I call when I want to connect.

And instead of numbing out online, I turn to my husband - my safe space - when I need a hug, a laugh, or loving company.

My Husband Didn't Change.. But Our Marriage Did

Now, I know what you may be wondering.. “Did your husband eliminate the games and apps too?”.

The answer is no. And this is actually where I think things get really interesting.

The truth is, I had been so focused on silently criticizing his phone usage while ignoring my own.

Why is it always so easy to blame the other when we feel disconnected?

I now see that my judgement of his phone usage was really just a dissatisfaction with my own choices for myself.

I was uncomfortable and unhappy with the way I was living out of alignment with my own values.

It’s so much easier and safer to criticize someone else’s choices, isn’t it? To blame them for our disconnection and unhappiness. But taking an honest look in the mirror, finding our own hypocrisy, naming our values, and aligning our actions to those values..

Now THAT takes something.

Once I aligned my screen choice to my value of presence, I found deep peace within myself and deep connection with my husband- without needing him to live according to my exact values. He gets to have his own!

I did afterall, fall in love with a sovereign individual, not a feminine version of myself. So I don’t need him to do things just as I do them.

The Real Enemy of Connection Isn't Your Husband's Phone

So do phones and screens still block connection, even when I no longer carry mine? Only if I allow them to..

Before, if I saw my husband playing video games, I would assume and internalize that he didn’t want to connect with me then. That he didn’t want to be interrupted so I should just stay away.

I was all over his paper and putting words into his mouth that he never said. I was making his choice to play video games a statement about our relationship. I was taking it personally. But it was never personal.

When I started to operate from the belief that he wants to feel connected just as much as I do, it became effortless to approach him with a smile or sit next to him and read a book with my head resting on his shoulder.

What surprised me was how often he would put down his game and say, “hey do you want to sit in the backyard? I’ll grill up dinner and make some margaritas!”

A tiny glimpse of connection often snowballed into a greater moment of connection, until those moments compounded to result in a much more deeply connected relationship.

So yes - quitting social media changed my marriage, but more than that - aligning my values to my choices is what created the environment for joy and connection.

The Biggest Lesson I Learned About Marriage And Connection

I no longer see screens, video games, or social media as the enemy of connection. They can be distractions, for sure. But they don’t have to be the enemy.

The real enemies are living in misalignment with my values (not living as the woman I want to be) and the negative stories I tell myself about my relationship.

As long as I’m telling myself that his choices are an obstacle to our connection, that will remain true. When I realize that he actually wants me to be happy, and I allow myself to be present and joyful, connection becomes inevitable.

---> Download the free guide: 3 Steps To Reignite Connection In Your Marriage

Going Deeper

If you're ready to truly transform the way you and your husband relate to one another, I'd love to invite you into my The Marriage Reset. Together, we'll build the habits, mindset, and communication skills that create lasting emotional safety, deep connection, and genuine intimacy.

Wherever you are in your marriage, there's hope. One small step really can change the direction of your relationship. I'd be honored to walk alongside you.

Xo,

Laura Amador