How to Have a More Fulfilling Marriage This Spring (The 10-10-10 Challenge for Wives)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhE0nx5iUlg

Spring cleaning my heart for a deeply fulfilling marriage this season

I have a ritual I do at the turn of each season that I've found sets me up for a joy-filled and love-filled season in my marriage. I call it the 10-10-10 Challenge, and it only takes a few minutes.

There's something about taking the time every few months to sit down with a journal and a latte, and to get super clear about how I'm currently feeling, honest about what I want to experience. It helps me to be intentional about how I show up in my marriage and present to my life and all the beautiful moments that might otherwise go unnoticed.

Not only has this ritual helped my marriage continue to deepen and evolve more and more over time, it's also given me a zest for life and curiosity about what new our relationships and life together will unfold.

Ready for a more rich and fulfilling marriage this season? Let me share this ritual with you.

Grab a pen and paper!

The ritual: The 10-10-10 Challenge

Step 1: Gratitude

Look back over the previous season and think of 10 things you were grateful for about your husband.

Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in a marriage. What we focus on grows. When a wife trains her eye to look for what her husband is doing right, her brain literally begins filtering for more of it.

Over time, she stops seeing a man who falls short and starts seeing a man who shows up, which changes how she feels, how she speaks to him, and how she responds to him. That energy shift is something husbands feel deeply, even when nothing is said out loud.

I'll start:

1. My husband shoveled all the snow- and we got A LOT of it this year in Massachusetts!

2. Come to think of it.. He's made sure that I've never had to touch a rake, shovel, or lawn mower

3. He built us a greenhouse in the backyard

4. He's already started planting all the seeds for our organic fruits and veggies that will feed us through the fall

5. He's teaching our 3, 5, and 8 year olds how to garden

6. He's also taught them to make homemade tortillas

7. He cooks out of this world DELICIOUS meals for us regularly

8. I expressed a desire in February to redecorate my office. The next day he was in there painting the walls and hauling out some cabinets he'd been storing in there. Now it's beautiful and so calming in here!

9. He's super supportive of all of my self-care- from brunches with my friends and sisters to my daily exercise routine

10. We cuddle up and watch something fun together every Saturday for our in-house date nights (we're currently watching Peaky Blinders)

Bonus: Tell your husband what you're grateful for. Pick 1 or 2 or say them all!

Voicing gratitude out loud does something beautiful. It makes your husband feel seen and appreciated, which is one of his deepest needs. A man who feels appreciated is a man who is motivated to keep going, to keep showing up, to keep doing more. You are essentially watering the very things you love about him.

Step 2: Write down your vision for your marriage in this coming season

I KNOW it's time for me to do this ritual because truth be told, I've been feeling pretty tired and sluggish lately, which is not how I like to feel.

You cannot move toward something you haven't defined. So many wives drift through seasons waiting to feel better, closer, more connected, without ever stopping to name what they actually want. Writing your vision down makes it real. It shifts you from passive to intentional, and intentionality is what separates a marriage that deepens over time from one that simply coexists.

When you know how you want to feel, you start making choices that are aligned with that feeling, and your marriage begins to reflect it back to you.

Your vision doesn't have to be complicated. It can be one word, one feeling, or one sentence. Maybe you want to feel more playful with your husband this season. Maybe you want more peace in your home. Maybe you want to feel like teammates again. Whatever it is, write it down. 

My vision for this spring is to feel refreshed and blooming, which I know creates a much more passionate dynamic than when I'm feeling exhausted.

Download your free guide: 3 Steps to Reignite Connection In your Marriage.

Step 3: Plan out your self-care for this spring

This is the secret sauce to a playful and connected marriage. The more alive I feel in my own life, the more he (and everyone else) leans in.

I'm much more pleasant to be around when my cup is all filled up with fun and interesting things. And I think the essence of life is not to remain static and allow our lives to feel stale, but to keep exploring the bounds of our interests, abilities, and hunger.

A wife who is living a life she loves brings warmth and lightness into her home, and that energy transforms a marriage.

Your list may look totally different than mine. Naps count! So does deep breathing. Whatever it is you want and need to feel happy and alive deserves a place on your list.

My spring self-care list:

1. Book of The Month club. Nothing like getting lost in a good story and falling in love with the characters! And getting my book mailed to me every month makes me feel like it's always a special gift coming for me.

2. Monthly Mom's Night Out. Need I say more?

3. Sunrise walks with my dog

4. 20 minutes weighted pilates

5. Learn to play the harmonica! (and maybe the cajon drum too)

6. Cooking healthy meals for the family

7. Reading the morning paper with a steaming cup of coffee

8. Taking the kids out on fun outings

9. Going on hikes and having a jam session with my sisters (not at the same time)

10. Journaling

Don't hold back on this list. Write down everything that makes you feel like you, the things that make your eyes light up and your days feel full.

Now, schedule it into your life! Don't let your beautiful list sit around collecting dust. Get out there and do the things on your list and have fun!

Step 4: Make a list of your desires (what would you LOVE to do, experience, or have this spring?)

Desires are the cornerstone of a joyful marriage. Why? Because a husband feels successful when he can make his wife happy. But if she doesn't even know what she wants, how will anyone else know that?

The key to pure desires is that there are no heavy strings attached to them. No demands, no expectations. They are held lightly. The difference feels something like this: a demand sounds like "we never go on dates and I need you to plan something." A pure desire sounds like "I would absolutely love to go out for dinner and a movie together this spring." Same want, completely different energy. One pushes him away, the other invites him in.

You might think, if (my desire) happened, it would add to my joy, but my joy is not dependent on it.

My desires this spring:

1. To host a coffee and muffins playdate at the park and make some new mom friends

2. A decorative pillow, some artwork, and lamps for my office

3. A few cute outfits for spring that feel feminine and fashionable

4. To go out for dinner and a movie with my husband

5. To go on Sunday morning hikes with my sisters

6. Family game nights!

7. Host people more regularly at my house

8. Some instruments! I'd love a harmonica and cajon drum for me, and some tambourines, drums and shakers for the kids. Family jam sessions!

9. Fish and chips and a cliff walk in Newport

10. A glass of wine by the fire under the stars

Ooohhh I'm getting excited already!

Once you have written your 10 pure desires, now you can start talking about them! The universe has a funny way of responding to a woman who knows what she wants. And your husband gets the very important information he needs about what would add to your joy.

I find there's something a little bit magical about doing this exercise. I find that whenever I look back on my desires from the previous season, I'm always beautifully surprised by how many of them really come true.

A little confession and your quick-start summary

If I'm being totally honest, I publish this ritual every few months as a way of keeping myself accountable. Because I know it works! This is basically happy marriage manifestation in action.

So here's a quick summary of the challenge:

1. Thank your husband (pick 1 or say them all!)

2. Plan your self-care into your schedule

3. Start vocalizing your pure desires without shame, reasons, or expectations. You're worthy of having and expressing them!

Thank you so much for keeping me accountable. I'm your accountability buddy too, so feel free to share your list with me. I love to read them! info@coachlauraamador.com

So go ahead, friend. Grab that journal, make yourself something delicious, and give your marriage the gift of your most intentional, most alive, most joyful self this season. She's ready to bloom.

Download your free guide: 3 Steps to Reignite Connection In your Marriage.

👉 And if this resonated and you’d like to go deeper, and transform your marriage with a guided step by step process and my support, let’s talk.

Xoxo,

Laura Amador