The Backyard Junk That Taught Me the Secret to a Happier Marriage

Laura Amador
Aug 18
4 min read

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The control dilemma when everything feels urgent and the secret to a happier marriage

I used to think I had to correct everything. Every. Single. Thing.

His parenting? I had thoughts.

Paying bills on time? Oh, I had strong opinions.

Taking the trash out to the curb on time? Don’t even get me started.

Honestly, everything felt urgent. My inner control-freak alarm was constantly ringing “danger! Danger! You need to step in or things will go badly!”. And the problem? The more I “helped,” the more disconnected we became.

I wasn’t just correcting him all the time—I was micromanaging. And while I thought I was being helpful, I was actually creating distance between us. I was being disrespectful and repelling. The truth is: nobody likes to feel controlled, seen as incapable, or like they’re not trusted.

But here’s the thing: some things really do matter. The bills can’t stay unpaid, the trash does need to go out on trash day, and yes—parenting moments matter. They have real consequences.

So, what’s a wife to do? Just lay back and silently watch her world crumble around her? Let the trash bins pile up as a metaphor for her marriage?

No way.

As an empowered wife, you always have a choice:

You can choose control—micromanage, nitpick, hover—and yes, you might get the results you want. But the cost? Connection. Intimacy. The very warmth that drew you to your husband in the first place.

Or… you can choose intimacy, letting go in ways that feel scary, trusting that your faith in him—and in your marriage—is stronger than your fear of the consequences.

My Backyard Junk Breakthrough Moment

My husband had a habit of picking up “free” junk off Facebook Marketplace. Chairs, cabinets, random tools—you name it. At first, I thought it was harmless. Then it started piling up… spilling out of our shed, creeping onto the flowerbeds. Our backyard was starting to look like a full-blown junkyard. And yes, I was losing my mind over it.

One morning, as I was staring at the latest addition—a questionable piece of furniture that looked like it belonged in a horror movie—I realized something important: I cannot control this without dipping into my “connection account” with my husband. Because control always has a price. And control always has an implied criticism, “you’re doing it wrong”.

I was getting tired of being miss smarty pants with all the answers. I was also getting tired of feeling lonely all the time. And the truth was, the world would not end if he brought home “another chair,” but our closeness might.

So I made a choice. I let go of control. I let go of my obsession with the junk pile. And I decided intimacy was more important than controlling the backyard aesthetic.

It was terrifying… and liberating.

And here’s the magic part: the story didn’t end with clutter and me just sucking it up. My husband actually gave new life to all the stuff I had labeled as “junk”. He worked on each Facebook Market find and made treasure out of what had been other people’s trash.

He fixed up a broken lawnmower that has been keeping our acre of land looking beautiful for five years now.
He fixed up old drivable cars for the kids to have a blast on
He handbuilt a sandbox and playground from old wood planks someone was giving away
He got a zipline that made our backyard the place all our kids' friends want to play at .
And he got us a hammock—just for the two of us—where we sit and sip lemonade, chat, and hold hands in the evenings.

That tiny act of letting go opened up a new kind of intimacy I hadn’t allowed myself to experience before. I didn’t stop caring about important things—I just stopped letting fear dictate how I showed up in our marriage. I learned to trust my husband more, and to appreciate all the wonderful things I have in life.

I am so thrilled I chose connection over control. Not only did our marriage deepen, but our family now has a backyard full of laughter, creativity, and shared joy.

How to release control and deepen your marriage

Your invitation this week: Pick one small thing that drives you crazy and makes you want to step in and hint, help, manage, fix, or control. I want to invite you to take a step back, take a deep breath, choose your faith over your fears, and let it go. Treat this as a little experiment. Watch what happens when intimacy takes priority over control—you might be surprised at the joy it brings.

Your Takeaways for today:

Trying to control everything can erode intimacy.
Some things feel urgent, but the cost of control is often your connection.
Letting go in small ways can create space for intimacy.
Empowered wives always get to choose between intimacy or control.
Start small: pick one area this week to release control and see the impact.
Sometimes, what you let go of becomes something even more amazing than you imagined.

Stay connected and stay tuned for something special

Choosing intimacy over control isn’t always easy—but in my experience, when it comes to my marriage, it is always worth it. Every time you let go of fear, every time you prioritize connection over perfection, you are investing in the love, trust, and joy that make your marriage thrive.

Remember: you don’t have to do it perfectly, you just have to start somewhere. Even a small step forward can spark a big transformation.

And to really cement in these ideas and concepts the secrets that lead to a truly happier marriage, I’m thrilled to share that in a few weeks, I’m hosting a special event just for wives like you—a live, interactive experience where I’ll share my full framework for strengthening your marriage, deepening intimacy, and creating real connection every single day. You won’t want to miss it!

Here’s how to make sure you’re first in line:

Stay tuned to my newsletter for the official invite coming in a few weeks.
Subscribe to my new YouTube channel so you don’t miss any of the tips, stories, and live updates I’ll be sharing every week.

Your next step toward a happier, more connected marriage is just around the corner—and I can’t wait to show you what’s possible when you choose faith over fear in your relationship.