The Hidden Wall Blocking Emotional Intimacy With My Husband—and the Vulnerability Breakthrough That Changed It

The hidden wall blocking emotional intimacy with my husband—and the vulnerability breakthrough that changed it

Have you ever been hurting inside, hoping for your husband to wrap you in emotional support—but he just… doesn’t?

That happened to me recently. And the breakthrough I had through that experience changed everything about the way I now approach vulnerability going forward.

This past weekend, I had a really painful experience with one of my parents. It stirred up deep emotions—grief, anger, sadness—and I was craving comfort, empathy, and companionship from my husband. I wanted to feel less alone in the swirl of those emotions.

But here’s what I did when I opened up to my husband. I led with the facts.

I gave him the rundown of what happened. What was said. What I said. How it unfolded. The story.

And I waited.

I was hoping—without realizing it—for him to pick up the emotional breadcrumbs. To say, “Wow, that must have felt awful. How are you doing with all of that?”

But he didn’t.

I was all over his paper.. waiting for a cue.. waiting for an invitation to be vulnerable..

He nodded. He listened. But he didn’t ask how I was feeling. And because of that, I never told him.

I didn’t share that I felt hurt. Or overwhelmed. Or afraid. I didn’t let him see the real reason I was sharing the story to begin with.

And the result? I felt totally alone in my sadness.

It hit me hard the next day during my coaching session (yes, coaches absolutely need regular coaching!): I was unconsciously waiting for a signal—some kind of green light from him—before I allowed myself to be vulnerable.

But here’s what I realized:

👉 When I wait for safety cues or an invitation before being vulnerable, I make intimacy conditional. And intimacy can’t thrive under conditions.

That was the breakthrough.

I saw that by leading with facts and waiting for him to "get it," I was trying to protect myself from rejection or disappointment. But in doing so, I was also withholding my heart—and keeping us both from the emotional intimacy I was longing for with my husband.

So I tried something new. Later that night, I simply said, “I am still feeling really sad about what happened at my parent's house. I think I just need a hug.”

No explanation. No lead-in. Just vulnerability.

He looked up from what he was doing, walked over, and held me. That moment brought us closer than a play-by-play of events ever could.

Are you making the same mistake with vulnerability?

If you find yourself disappointed that your husband doesn’t always "go there" emotionally with you, I invite you to consider this:

Are you letting him see your heart first—or are you making him prove it’s safe before you open up?

Are you leading with your feelings… or with facts?

You might be surprised at what changes when you trust him with your heart without conditions.

Your invitation: lead with the feeling

Next time you share something vulnerable or tender with your husband, try this:

Instead of: Explaining the backstory in detail and hoping he responds with empathy or asks how you feel...

Let your feelings come first. Let your heart be seen without requiring him to draw it out of you. Let go of expectations about how he'll respond, and trust that he cares. Open yourself up to receiving your husband's listening ear and love.

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t need to have the words just right. You just need to be real.

Because that’s where intimacy lives.

With love and vulnerability, 

Laura Amador

Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert

Ready for a deeper connection in your marriage?

If this message resonated with you, here are three ways you can take the next step:

•  Grab My Free Guide: Start your journey with my free resource: “5 Steps to Reignite Connection In Your Marriage"

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• Work With Me Privately: If you want personalized support, deep transformation, and someone walking closely with you on this path, private coaching may be right for you.