My Summer Self-Care & Desires Lists (The Seasonal Reset Every Wife Needs To Steal)

Laura Amador
Jul 7
7 min read

A few years ago, I noticed a pattern I couldn’t ignore: I kept arriving at the end of each season feeling... disappointed and disconnected. Like I hadn’t really enjoyed the season the way I’d hoped to. I hadn’t done the little things I looked forward to. I hadn’t felt as present, as light, as connected as I wanted to—especially in my marriage.

It was like I was letting time pass without fully participating in it.

So I started a new ritual: at the start of every single season, I sit down with my journal and make two simple, powerful lists—my Self-Care List and my Desires List. One is for me. The other is for me and my marriage. Both are for keeping my life authentic, joyful, and connected.

This one practice—this seasonal reset—has truly changed everything. I feel more in tune with myself. I show up to each season with intention instead of inertia. And my marriage? It feels refreshed every few months, instead of just coasting. There’s new energy, new connection, new delight. Every season, without fail.

In this post, I’m sharing a page straight from my own journal: my exact Summer Self-Care & Desires Lists I wrote out for this summer, and I’m inviting you to steal the idea and start your own! This is one of the most loving things you can do for your relationship—with yourself, and with your husband.

Let’s dive in.

My summer self-care & desires lists (the seasonal reset every wife needs to steal)

Why self-care is the foundation of a thriving marriage

As a Laura Doyle certified relationship coach and intimacy skills expert, I’ve seen firsthand how foundational self-care is—not just for your personal well-being, but for the health of your marriage. It’s easy to think that focusing on your partner is the ultimate act of love, but the truth is, neglecting yourself can quietly erode the connection you share.

Self-care is a vital practice that replenishes your emotional, mental, and physical energy, so you can show up fully—not only as your best self, but as a more present, loving wife. When you invest in yourself, you naturally increase your capacity for intimacy, patience, and joy.

Remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Without regular self-care, stress builds, resentment creeps in, and emotional distance grows. On the other hand, when you intentionally prioritize your own needs and desires, it creates a ripple effect—one that invites greater closeness, understanding, and passion in your marriage.

That’s why this seasonal reset ritual—creating new self-care and desires lists—is so powerful. It forces you to pause, reflect, and renew your commitment to yourself and your relationship on a consistent basis. It’s like hitting the refresh button, clearing out the emotional clutter, and making space for growth and connection.

When you approach your marriage with that kind of intentional care—starting with yourself—you lay the groundwork for a deeper, more vibrant partnership. And believe me, your marriage will feel the difference.

My summer self-care list (feel free to snag any ideas that stir your fancy!)

Sunday brunch with my two best friends
Phone calls with my sisters (they always make me laugh!)
Taking an afternoon nap in the AC while kids help dad in the garden
Re-watching my favorite series (Outlander) for the umpteenth time
Walking my dog while listening to an audiobook
Monthly book club meeting with the local Mom’s club
Swinging in the hammock in the shade with an iced coffee
Taking the kids swimming at the lake
Watching the sunrise over the ocean
Walking barefoot in my backyard
Doing a 20 minute workout
Cooling off in the shower morning and night
Hugging my husband and my kids
Giving myself a pedicure
Hosting cookouts for friends
Putting lotion all over my body and putting on silky pajamas
A spritz of perfume and a necklace
Reading Little House On The Prairie and Charlotte’s Web with my daughter
Keeping iced water nearby all day
Getting a facial

Your turn: create your own summer self-care list

Now it’s your turn. Sit down with your journal or a notebook and write out 20 self-care ideas you want to do this summer. These can be simple things—like taking a walk in the evening, reading for 10 minutes, or scheduling a massage. Or bigger habits—like setting screen-free time where you just relax, or trying a new hobby.

The goal is to make this list as personal and nourishing as possible. This is your foundation for showing up well—fully charged—in your life and your marriage.

The power of pure desires: honoring your heart and inviting your husband to be your hero

When it comes to marriage, we often hear about needs—the things we require to feel safe, respected, or supported. But pure desires are something different, and just as important.

Pure desires come straight from your heart’s truth. They’re the simple, authentic longings that make you feel alive, cherished, and seen—not demands or expectations, but gentle invitations to deeper connection.

It would sound like this: “I would love… “ (and you fill in the blank with the end result)

Notice the energy: it’s not “You need to do this for me,” but rather, “This is what would make me feel so happy and loved.” Expressing desires this way plants seeds of connection. It invites your husband to step in as your hero—not because you’re telling him exactly how or when, but because you’re opening a door for him to lovingly respond in his own way.

The magic happens when you relinquish control—letting go of the timeline, the “how,” and all expectations around the outcome. This trust creates space for genuine intimacy and surprises that often mean more than any plan you could make.

I’ll share my personal list of summer pure desires next, so you can see how I’m planting seeds for connection this season. And after that, I invite you to take a moment for yourself and write your own list of 20 pure desires for this summer.

Remember: these desires are about inviting love, joy, and closeness—not about control or obligation. They’re your heart’s gentle whispers, asking to be heard and expressed.

My pure desires list for this summer

To have lobster at a fancy restaurant on a deck that overlooks the ocean
To walk the Newport Cliff Walk
To take the kids to the beach
To see more bees and butterflies in our garden
To enjoy loads of berries and veggies from our garden (my hero husband is already making this a reality!)
A decluttered house (this one is done!)
To take the kids to the Science Museum
To see a movie in the theater and eat peanut M&M’s
To host lots of cookouts for friends and family (success!)
A new perfume and lipstick
A piece of jewelry from Jonna Jinton’s store
A fun little getaway to explore a new town
To visit Niagara Falls!
A beautiful flower wreath for our front door
To enjoy a long drive: windows down, good music, and iced coffee!
A maternity shoot
A wind chime for our porch
To stargaze next to a crackling fire and toast marshmallows
To take the kids to get ice cream and lobster rolls
A steady supply of Diet Coke in the fridge (my guilty pleasure)

Your turn: create your own pure desires list

Now it’s your turn to tap into your heart and create your own list of 20 pure desires for this summer.

Here’s how to get started:

Find a quiet, comfortable space where you won’t be interrupted. Grab your favorite journal, notebook, or even your phone’s notes app.
Take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Let go of any “shoulds” or pressure—this list is for you, and it’s about what you truly want. Don't judge your desires or squash them by labeling them as unrealistic or "too much". This is about honoring what's in your heart and affirming that you're worthy of it!
Begin each desire with the words: “I would love...” This simple phrase keeps your desires open, inspiring, and inviting, rather than heavy or laden with expectations.
Write freely and honestly. Don’t censor or overthink. What little moments, things, or experiences would bring you joy this summer? What would make your heart feel excited, joyful, and more connected?
Remember: These are pure desires. They’re not needs, demands, or expectations. They’re invitations where your husband has the opportunity to be your hero, in whatever way that might look. Pure desires share the very important information of what would make you happy.
Share them and let go of control. Once your list is complete, choose where you’d like to start and share with your husband! Release any attachment to how or when these desires might be fulfilled. Trust that planting these seeds opens the door to new possibilities, and when they do happen- receive graciously and enjoy!

When you’re done, keep your list somewhere you can revisit it throughout the season. See which desires come alive, which you want to share next, and celebrate that you’re honoring yourself with this exercise. This is your personal roadmap to a more connected, joyful summer—for you and your marriage.

You deserve a summer that feels as good as it looks

If you’ve made it this far, I hope you’re already feeling the power of this simple, yet powerful practice. Taking time to reset at the start of each season—with intentional self-care and a list of pure desires—is one of the most life-giving things you can do for yourself and your marriage.

It’s about being present, honest, and open to joy—again and again and again. It’s about your marriage getting as good as you can stand!

Pour love into yourself and your marriage all throughout the year. You can start now. You can start today. And if you’re already doing that, I’m cheering you on with my whole heart.

Want to go deeper? I’d love to support you:

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