What I’m Releasing So Love Has Room to Breathe- Week 2 of The Softening Series: 10 Weeks of Deepening My Marriage

Laura Amador
1 day ago
5 min read

What I'm releasing so love has room to breath- week 2 of the softening series: 10 weeks of deepening my marriage

Last week, I wrote about noticing the hardness: the subtle ways we can armor ourselves without even realizing it, and how that can get in the way of the intimacy we actually crave. This week, I’m reflecting on how that same armor can sneak into the everyday moments at home, disguised as “standards”, or to be more precise- expectations.

And right now, I’m catching it early- before my transition into postpartum arrives.

How my need for order became a wall

As you might know, I’m about a month away from welcoming our fourth baby, and if there’s one thing my earlier seasons of motherhood taught me, it’s that clinging to control during postpartum (or frankly- anytime!) is a recipe for frustration, stress, and disappointment.

When I had my first baby, I remember being so focused on what I couldn’t control, that I missed out of just luxuriating in the delicious season of newborn babiness.

I couldn’t keep up with the house. Dishes piled up, laundry baskets overflowed, and every time I looked around, my chest tightened. I remember snapping at my husband for not noticing what needed to be done, turning down visitors because I was embarrassed by the mess, and feeling like I had lost all sense of control (because I had). (And that was the point! I had soooo much learning to do!)

Of course, it wasn’t just about tidiness. It was about control. I wanted things to look the way they used to, because back then, a clean space made me feel safe, calm, competent, together. But postpartum (and life in general) often isn’t tidy. It’s raw and miraculous and messy and sacred all at once. Isn’t that beautiful?!

And now, as I prepare to enter that space again, I’m choosing differently. I’m choosing to release the expectations before they have a chance to choke my joy.

How I'm softening and releasing my expectations

This morning, I caught myself doing what I always do: wiping counters, fluffing pillows, mentally rearranging the living room to make it tidy and fresh. But then I stopped. I stood there, belly full and heavy, dog at my feet, sunlight catching the little fingerprints on the glass door, and I realized:

This is the moment to practice letting go.

Because when the baby comes, I don’t want to waste a single ounce of energy feeling frustrated about dishes in the sink or toys on the floor. I don't want to be micromanaging my husband from the couch or being frustrated at my family. I want to be fully inside the moments that matter: newborn snuggles, giggles and stories with my older kids, cozy evenings with my husband where the world feels small and sweet and sacred.

So I’m starting now.

Reclaiming my agency

I’ve been asking myself a simple question that I LOVE to lean on whenever I feel that urge to control: “How do I feel, and what do I want that I can control?”

When I pause and ask that, I always come back to the same gentle truth: what I can control is my own environment of peace, and the things that nourish me from the inside out.

When the time comes, instead of focusing on the house being untidy, I want to luxuriate in my soft, comfy clothes. A big, pink water bottle within reach. Yummy snacks I love to keep me energized. A cozy blanket and my dog curled up next to me. A few great shows queued up for those long nursing sessions.

Inspiring with my pure desires

I can also express my pure desires to my husband and kids like, “I would love a tidy living room.” (the space I’ll be spending the most time in). But this time, without the pressure or the expectations. If it happens, I’ll be delighted! If it doesn’t, I’ll still rest in the beauty of what is and the cozy little nest I’ve created for myself.

Because I don’t want my peace to depend on anyone else’s pace. That's just not fair for anyone!

An invitation into spaciousness through softening

Want to soften alongside me this week? Let’s do this together.

✨ Step One: Name one thing you’re ready to release control of. The thing that tempts you to push, force, or nag. For me, it’s releasing my grip on how our home “should” look, especially once our new baby has arrived. What is it that you’re ready to soften your grip on?

✨ Step Two: Ask yourself, “How do I feel, and what do I want that I can control?” This question helps you shift from frustration into agency. You might discover, like me, that what you really want isn’t control- it’s ease. It’s rest. It’s a sense of comfort, sweetness, and joy. How can you create that for yourself in this week?

✨ Step Three: Identify one or two pure desires, the kind that come from your heart, not your expectations. Practice speaking them to yourself first, and when you’re ready, say them out loud to your husband- without any expectations. Let them be beautiful inspiring desires, not demands.

This practice has been grounding me, reminding me that softness doesn’t come from fixing or controlling, but from releasing what’s not mine to hold and soaking in everything wonderful happening all around me.

The lesson releasing and surrendering has taught me

The lesson I’m learning, or maybe remembering, is that simplicity and release create space for deepening love and intimacy.

The more I unclench my grip of control, the more joy can flow into my life, and love can flow into my marriage.

I’ve seen firsthand how tightly-held standards can become barriers, how resentment can creep in quietly when we try to control what isn’t ours to control. And I’ve also seen how, when I let go, something sacred happens: love and connection flow in again.

I’m learning that I don’t need a perfect home to feel grounded. I just need presence. I don’t need everything in its place to feel calm, or perfection to feel content. I just need to give myself permission to be: fully, freely, unapologetically, in the life I already have.

Because I want to be a well lived woman. One that radiates warmth and joy. It’s not about managing chaos through control; it’s about meeting life as it is, with softness. It’s about trusting that peace can exist even in the middle of imperfect or unexpected moments. And that it’s in those moments precisely, where I can find deeper intimacy with my husband.

So this week, as I nest and prepare and breathe through this final month of pregnancy, I’m letting go of perfection. I’m making room for what truly matters: snuggles, story-times, connection, laughter, love, and rest.

Because when love has room to breathe, it always finds its way home.

Xoxo,