Receiving as the Doorway to Deeper Intimacy In Marriage

Laura Amador
Dec 8
5 min read

Week 7 of The Softening Series: 10 Weeks of Deepening My Marriage

Receiving as the doorway to deeper intimacy in marriage

I messed up..

I still remember the heat that crept up my neck that morning in 2013, six months into our marriage, sitting across from my husband at the kitchen table, coffee steaming between us. He looked at me gently, almost timidly, and asked, “Why did you take your dad to buy your new car… and not me?”

And instantly, I knew.

I knew exactly what he was naming.

I knew exactly what I had done.

Only a month after we’d gotten married, fresh out of college and commuting an hour each way to work, I decided it was time to retire my failing “turtle car” (a ’97 Mercury Sable he lovingly teased me about). I’d saved up, felt proud and independent, and naturally called the person I had always called up for big decisions: my dad. He was experienced, he’d helped me before, and I trusted he’d help me get the best deal.

I didn’t even think to invite my husband.

Not once.

Not even as a passing thought.

I came home that afternoon beaming, proud, showing off “my” new car. My husband congratulated me, sweet and supportive, and life moved on… until that quiet morning six months later, when he finally let me see the bruise I had left.

And oh, did it sting.

He wasn’t angry. Just hurt. Confused. Wondering why I hadn’t considered him the man for such a meaningful moment. Why I hadn’t wanted him there beside me?

I flushed pink, feeling embarrassed, called out, insecure, and defensive. I tried to explain his hurt away with my reasons, my logic, my “it just made sense at the time.” Underneath all that defensive explanation was the deeper truth for why I hadn’t thought to ask him:

I didn’t trust him.

I didn’t believe he had anything of value to offer me.

I wanted control.

I wanted the “perfect” outcome, and I chose the “perfect” guide… which meant bypassing my own husband.

I cringe even now thinking back to this.

And I’ve carried that cringe every day I’ve driven that car since 2013.. a tiny ache of regret sitting beside me in the passenger seat. What should have been a special and exciting moment in our new marriage, was a smear of disappointment. And I had not even been accountable enough to own it or apologize.

The “re-do”

So now that it came time, over a decade later, to buy a new family car that would fit an extra car seat, I felt this quiet, powerful invitation:

Let this be your redo.

Let this be softening.

Let this be a living apology.

Those were my only goals.

So I did the opposite of what that younger version of me did.

I surrendered.

I stepped back.

I chose to receive graciously.

I told my husband, “I trust you..” And then.. I did.

He researched every model. He found us the most beautiful car that fit all our needs. He negotiated an incredible deal. He handled the bank visits, the DMV chaos, all the tedious details I used to pride myself on doing “right.”

All I did was sip my latte, ride along as the passenger princess, give the car a big thumbs up, give him a big kiss with loads of gratitude, and allow myself to receive.

And oh my goodness… the tenderness of being cared for like that. The intimacy of letting someone show up for you. The sweetness of watching his eyes light up because he could feel how happy I was.

Receiving softened something deep inside me. It rebuilt something that had cracked long ago, on the day I had not trusted my husband with “my” car decision.

I feel so incredibly grateful to have been able to experience this “re-do”, and to lean into softness instead of fear or mistrust. And the intimacy that has come from it, is so so sweet.

And now, every time I get into our gorgeous new family car, I can feel it:

This is ours.

This is intimacy.

This is what happens when I choose vulnerable, soft receiving over control.

Here’s your invitation into deeper intimacy

Want to soften alongside me this week?

Here’s your invitation for this week:

Let your husband take care of you in one small, simple way. Nothing huge. Nothing dramatic. Nothing that will send your nervous system into a full spiral.

Just one embodied act of receiving.

Let him carry something heavy, even though you feel you can handle it.

Let him pick some of the kid’s Christmas gifts, even if they seem ridiculous to you.

Let him handle the logistics, even if you’re afraid he’ll mess up.

Let him help you, even if you feel he’s “doing it wrong”.

Let him try. Let him show up.

Your only job?

Breathe.

Soften your shoulders.

Receive without correcting, controlling, or rushing in to “help.”

It’s amazing how much intimacy expands from the smallest opening. How this softening can invite such deeper intimacy in a marriage.

I’m doing this with you, truly. Let’s keep softening together.

The lesson that softening into receiving is teaching me

What I’m learning, deep in my body, is that control is not protection. It’s distance.

And vulnerability… receiving… letting someone show up for you… that’s the doorway into closeness. Into intimacy. Into the type of marriage that gets better with years, not harder.

This is the heart of integrity-based intimacy for me: Being honest about the parts of myself that tighten, and choosing again and again to soften into trust instead of perfection.

Receiving isn’t passive.

It’s vulnerable.

It's intentional.

It’s powerful.

It’s an embodied act of trust.

It reshapes the energy of a home and a marriage.

Maybe that’s the real legacy we get to build as women.. allowing ourselves to be cherished, cared for, supported… and letting that softness ripple through our families.

I’m walking this with you, hand in hand. Here’s to a Week Seven filled with gentle receiving and surprising intimacy.

Xoxo,