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Six Intimacy Skills Every Wife Needs: A Quick Guide to Revive Your Marriage

Writer's picture: Laura AmadorLaura Amador
Six Intimacy Skills Every Wife Needs: A Quick Guide to Revive Your Marriage

When you’re in a marriage that feels lonely, distant, or filled with arguments, you may wonder, “Why does this feel so hard?” Maybe you’ve tried to share your feelings, dropped hints about what you need, or worked tirelessly to make things better, only to feel even more frustrated and unseen. If you just want to feel loved, appreciated, and supported, I want you to know that you’re not alone—and that change is possible.


How the six intimacy skills changed my life and marriage


I used to think that if only my husband would be more romantic, sensitive, and supportive, everything would be perfect. I would spend countless hours trying to figure out how to fix things, but no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get him on the same page. The harder I worked, the more distant he seemed. It was heartbreaking and exhausting.


That is, until I discovered and mastered the Six Intimacy Skills that create connection and intimacy. These skills didn’t just transform my marriage—they transformed me. Today, my husband is my hero in all things, big and small, and my desires are the guiding star for our relationship. I’ve fallen in love with him all over again, and perhaps for the first time, I’ve truly fallen in love with myself.


The ripple effects of this transformation have touched every corner of my life. I’m now a happy, confident woman, and I’m incredibly grateful to give our three young children a healthy example of what love and marriage can be. They are thriving in our secure and happy home. My wonderful marriage is my proudest accomplishment, and I want to share with you how you can experience the same.


The Six Intimacy Skills come from Laura Doyle’s groundbreaking book, The Empowered Wife, which I highly recommend! These skills have helped thousands of women around the world restore connection, trust, and passion in their marriages.


Now, let’s dive into each skill, step by step in this article.


Six intimacy skills every wife needs: a quick guide to revive your marriage


1. Restoring a culture of respect

When I first heard that respect was the foundation of a loving marriage, I thought, "Of course I respect my husband!" But when I looked closer, I realized how often my words and actions sent the opposite message. For example, I’d criticize the way he loaded the dishwasher or roll my eyes when he didn’t do something the way I thought he should. I thought I was being “helpful,” but to him, it felt like disrespect.


How I turned it around:

I started pausing before reacting to things that frustrated me. Instead of saying, "Why can’t you ever do this right?" I learned to say, "Thank you for taking care of that. I appreciate it." Over time, I saw how my respect encouraged him to step up more often, and it created a safer, more loving dynamic between us.


What This Means for You:

Respect doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything or silence your opinions. It’s about choosing to frame your words and actions in a way that values your husband’s efforts and perspective. Small acts of respect can pave the way for greater connection.


How to Practice This Skill:

  • Pause Before Responding: Before reacting to something your husband says or does, take a breath. Ask yourself, "Is my response respectful, or is it actually controlling or critical?"

  • Appreciate Aloud: Acknowledge his efforts, even in small ways. For example, "Thank you for taking care of the yard this weekend, you did great" can go a long way.

  • Let Go of the Need to Correct: If you often find yourself pointing out what your husband could do better, consider holding back. Trust him to figure things out in his own way.



2. Relinquishing inappropriate control

I used to think that if I didn’t manage everything in our household, things would fall apart. I’d tell my husband how to handle the kids, how to fold the laundry, and even what route to take when driving. I thought I was being helpful, but my constant micromanaging made him feel like I didn’t trust him.


How I turned it around:


One day, I decided to try something radical: I stepped back. When he offered to handle something, I simply said, "Thank you." At first, it was hard not to jump in and correct him, but I noticed that when I gave him space, he rose to the occasion. Letting go of control didn’t mean things were done my way, but it allowed him to feel respected and valued.


What This Means for You:

Relinquishing control doesn’t mean giving up or lowering standards. It’s about trusting your husband to bring his own strengths to the relationship and giving him room to show up for you in ways you might not expect.


How to Practice This Skill:

  • Trust His Capabilities: Instead of micromanaging, trust that he is capable of making good decisions.

  • Drop Expectations: Release the idea that he must do things your way to show he cares. His way might be different but still valid.

  • Focus on Yourself: Shift your energy toward nurturing your happiness and well-being, rather than attempting to manage his.



3. Receive Graciously

When my husband would try to do something nice for me, like bringing home flowers or offering to help with a chore, I’d often dismiss it with, "It's okay, I've got it" or "I'll just do it myself." I didn’t realize how much that rejection hurt him and discouraged him from trying again.


How I turned it around:

I decided to practice simply saying, "Thank you." When he brought me flowers, offered to help, or complimented my perfume, I smiled and told him how much it meant to me. When he offered to help, I accepted without guilt. The more I received his gestures with gratitude, the more he wanted to give, and our connection deepened.


What This Means for You:

Learning to receive graciously opens the door for more connection. It allows your husband to feel like his efforts matter, which encourages him to keep giving and showing his love.


How to Practice This Skill:

  • Say “Thank You” Often: If your husband offers to help or gives you a compliment, resist the urge to downplay or dismiss it. Simply say, “Thank you.”

  • Notice Small Gestures: Pay attention to the little ways he tries to show he cares, whether it's making you coffee or fixing something around the house.

  • Allow Him to Give: If he wants to help or offer support, let him. Receiving graciously allows him to feel valued and appreciated.



4. Practice Vulnerability

For years, I believed that showing vulnerability was a sign of weakness. I thought I had to appear strong and independent to be respected. So instead of saying, "I miss you," I’d make sarcastic comments like, "Nice of you to finally show up." Unsurprisingly, this approach didn’t bring us closer.


How I turned it around:

One evening, instead of making a snarky comment, I simply said, "I miss you and love when we spend time together." His reaction was immediate—he softened and made an effort to connect. Being vulnerable felt scary at first, but it created a deeper emotional bond between us.


What This Means for You:

Vulnerability is the key to emotional intimacy. It creates space for genuine connection by showing your husband your true feelings and giving him the chance to respond with care.


How to Practice This Skill:

  • Express Your Feelings Clearly: Instead of saying, "You never spend time with me," try, "I miss you and love when we spend time together."

  • Share Your Desires: Let him know what would bring you joy without attaching demands. For example, "I'd love to watch a movie and get cozy."

  • Be Honest About Hurts: If something has upset you, share it gently without blame. Use "ouch" to let him know when something stings without blaming or criticizing him back.



5. Focus on Self-Care

Like many wives, I used to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. I’d tell myself that there wasn’t enough time for me, and I’d end up feeling depleted and resentful. I didn’t realize how much this affected my marriage.


How I turned it around:

I started carving out small moments for myself—reading a book, going for a walk, or even just enjoying a quiet cup of coffee. Taking care of myself made me happier and more patient, which positively impacted my relationship. When I felt good, it was easier to bring positive energy into our marriage.


What This Means for You:

When you prioritize self-care, you bring the best version of yourself to your marriage. This not only benefits you but also creates a more positive and loving dynamic.


How to Practice This Skill:

  • Prioritize “Me Time”: Carve out time for activities that nurture your soul, whether it's reading, walking, or pursuing a hobby.

  • Honor Your Limits: Say "I can't" to things that drain your energy, and yes to what truly matters to you.

  • Invest in Your Growth: Consider self-help books, coaching, or workshops to support your emotional well-being and relationship health.



6. Cultivate Gratitude

Once the honeymoon phase is gone, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong or missing in your relationship. I used to do this constantly—I’d dwell on the things my husband didn’t do instead of appreciating what he did. This mindset created distance between us.


How I turned it around:

I started keeping a gratitude journal, writing down three things I appreciated about him each day. At first, it felt forced, but over time, it shifted my perspective. I began to notice all the little ways he showed his love, and my appreciation encouraged him to do even more.


What This Means for You:

Gratitude transforms your perspective and encourages you to see your husband through a more loving lens. The more you focus on what’s good, the more good you’ll find.


How to Practice This Skill:

  • Keep a Gratitude Journal: Write down three things you appreciate about your husband each day.

  • Compliment Him Often: Share your appreciation for his qualities, efforts, or actions regularly.

  • Reflect on Good Memories: Take time to reminisce about happy moments you've shared together.



Bringing It All Together


Each of these Six Intimacy Skills is a building block for a stronger, more connected marriage. When practiced consistently, they can help you revive the love and trust you crave. The beauty of these skills is that they don't require your husband to change—they empower you to transform your marriage from within.


If these skills resonate with you, take the next step:


  1. Download My Free Guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage to start applying these principles today.

  2. Take the course: The Empowered Wife Workshop, provides actionable steps to bring these skills into your marriage and see real change. 

  3. Join The Haven: If you're already familiar with the Six Intimacy Skills and want to deepen your practice in a supportive community, apply to join Haven.

  4. Explore Private Coaching: For one-on-one support tailored to your unique situation, explore private coaching. Together, we can create a path toward the loving, connected marriage you deserve.


You are not alone on this journey. With compassion, commitment, and the right tools, your marriage can become a source of joy and strength again. Start today—one small step at a time.


Xo,

Laura Amador

Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert

टिप्पणियां


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