.png)
When resentment creeps into a marriage, it can feel like a heavy fog—clouding the good memories, blocking affection, and leaving you focused on everything that’s not working. If you’re in this space, I want you to know you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It simply means you’re human.
Feeling resentful toward your husband? You’re not alone—and here’s how to shift
If you’re feeling resentful toward your husband right now, I want you to pause and take a deep breath. First, let me tell you this: You are not alone. Every marriage has moments where the weight of unmet expectations, unspoken feelings, or life’s relentless demands starts to build.
Resentment doesn’t mean you’re a bad wife or that your marriage is doomed—it just means there’s something unhealed beneath the surface. And that’s okay. It doesn't mean you're stuck there forever.
But here’s the thing about resentment: when left unchecked, it has the power to erode connection and trust, one small crack at a time. It can make us forget the good, blind us to our spouse’s strengths, and leave us stuck in a loop of frustration and disconnection.
Why resentment is so dangerous
Resentment often feels justified in the moment—after all, we only feel it because something matters to us. But when it lingers, it creates a gap in the relationship that’s hard to bridge.
We start to see our partner only through the lens of what they’re doing wrong, or worse, what they’re not doing. Our hearts harden. And instead of working with them to strengthen the bond, we subconsciously push them further away.
The good news? Resentment doesn’t have to win. You have the power to shift your perspective and reconnect with the reasons you chose your husband in the first place.
The key to reconnection: expand your perspective
But here’s the thing: resentment and gratitude can’t coexist. When you choose one, you automatically shift away from the other. Gratitude has this incredible way of softening even the hardest feelings, giving us fresh perspective, and reigniting connection. And you don’t need a perfect marriage—or even a perfect mood—to start.
Gratitude helps us see what’s still good. It doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings or pretending everything’s perfect—it’s about making space for the positive moments that do exist.
This is where the 10-Day Gratitude Challenge comes in. Whether you’re feeling mildly annoyed or deeply frustrated with your husband, this practice is designed to gently shift your focus from what’s wrong to what’s still good.
Here’s how it works:
Sit down and write down your answers to the following questions in a journal or on your phone. The act of writing can make those feelings more real and impactful.
Give yourself permission to start small—your answers don’t have to be profound. Even the tiniest details can hold surprising power.
Reread your answers every day for the next week, and feel how your feelings towards your husband start to shift.
Ready? Let’s dive into the 10 questions:
10 Gratitude Questions to Transform Resentment
What’s one way your husband has made your life easier, even in a small way? Think: taking out the trash, fixing something around the house, or letting you pick the movie.
When was the last time your husband made you laugh? What’s a moment that still makes you smile when you think back on it?
What’s one thing you admire about how he handles challenges or responsibilities? Does he work hard? Stay calm in stressful situations? Show dedication to family?
What’s a memory of him being there for you when you needed support? It could be big, like helping during a difficult time, or small, like listening when you needed to vent.
What’s a talent, skill, or quality he has that you respect? Maybe he’s great with your kids, has an eye for detail, or knows how to fix anything.
What’s something he’s done in the past week that you appreciated—whether or not you told him? Look for those little moments that might have gone unnoticed.
What’s a shared dream or value that brought you together in the first place? Think back to your early days together—what lit you up about him?
What’s one way he shows love in his own unique way? Even if it’s not how you would express love, what’s his way of saying, “I care about you”?
What’s a part of his personality that balances or complements yours? Is he steady where you’re emotional? Funny when you’re serious?
What’s one thing you’re grateful for about having him as a partner in life? It could be something practical, emotional, or even spiritual.
Why This Works
When resentment takes hold, our brain tends to amplify our partner’s flaws and minimize their strengths. This challenge helps reverse that pattern by training your brain to notice what’s good again.
You may not feel an instant shift—but with consistent reflection, you might just find that your heart softens, your perspective expands, and you start seeing your husband with fresh eyes.
And here’s a bonus: Gratitude is contagious. When you start seeing and appreciating the good, he’s more likely to feel valued and respond in kind.
Why This Matters
When you choose to focus on what’s good, even when it feels hard, you’re giving yourself the gift of perspective. You’re reminding yourself of the qualities and memories that drew you to your husband in the first place. And you’re creating space for connection to grow again.
Gratitude won’t erase the hard moments, but it will help you approach them with a softer heart and a clearer mind.
Take the First Step
The beauty of this challenge is that it starts with you. No matter where your husband is emotionally or how he’s showing up right now, you have the power to lead with love, kindness, and appreciation. And when you do, you might just find that your relationship begins to feel lighter, brighter, and stronger.
Are you ready to take action and reignite the connection in your marriage? Download my free guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection In Your Marriage to help you create more love and closeness in your relationship, starting today.
Ready to go deeper with the Intimacy Skills? Join Haven, the community for empowered wives who are using the Intimacy Skills, or explore private coaching to get personalized support. Let’s make your marriage thrive!
Xo,
Laura Amador
Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert
Comments