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While vacations are intended to be a time of relaxation and connection, they can sometimes become a breeding ground for conflict between couples. A 2016 survey by the travel company Travelex found that 40% of couples argue while on vacation, often due to the stress of planning and managing expectations.
Fighting often stems from:
Heightened expectations placed on the trip—each partner may have a different vision of the perfect vacation, leading to disagreements over plans and activities.
The pressure to have a flawless experience can amplify minor inconveniences, turning small issues into major sources of frustration.
Being in close quarters for an extended time without the usual routines and personal space can also increase irritability and tension.
Additionally, financial concerns, travel logistics, and the general fatigue of being on the move can add stress.
Unresolved issues in the relationship may also resurface when couples are away from everyday distractions, further contributing to arguments.
These factors can transform what should be a joyful getaway into a source of conflict, making it essential to manage expectations and maintain open communication.
If you find that you and your husband always seem to fight on vacation, you're not alone. The good news is, you have the power to change this dynamic and create a fun, peaceful vacation.
Here’s how you can actually have fun and stop the fighting for good:
My Husband And I Always Fight On Vacation: How To Stop Fighting And Actually Have A Fun Time Together
1. Get Clear About Your Vision for Your Vacation and Set Your Intentions
Before you even pack your bags, take some time to get clear about what you want from your vacation. Even if you’re on the last day of your vacation, you can still do this and make the last day your best day!
Ask yourself this..
What are your goals? Do you want to relax, explore, reconnect, or simply have fun? Setting your intentions for the trip gives you a sense of direction and purpose. When you know what you're aiming for, it's easier to navigate the trip in a way that aligns with your desires.
It’s nearly impossible to have the type of experience you want if you haven’t gotten extremely clear about exactly what that is. This isn’t about setting expectations for the trip. It's about getting clear about how you want to show up on your vacation, and how you would love to experience it.
Pro tip: Imagine your favorite version of yourself. How would she show up on her vacation? Would she be tense and stressed about the itinerary, or would she be relaxed and carefree? Would she be trying to control every detail of the trip, or would she go with the flow and receive changes in plans as an opportunity for a new adventure? Would she be on edge and resentful, or would she be enjoying herself and filling up on self-care? Get clear about who you want to be on your vacation and you’ll have much greater chances of being her!
2. Create a List of Your Pure Desires for Your Vacation and Share Them with Your Husband
Take some time to reflect on what you truly desire from your vacation. What would make it a fulfilling and enjoyable experience for you?
Once you’re clear on this, share your desires with your husband. You can do so by simply saying, “I would love (and you fill in the blank). This isn’t about making demands—it’s about sharing your heart and inviting him to join you in creating a wonderful experience. The key here is to share your desires as a way to honor yourself, and to give him the opportunity to be your hero.
The key here is to share your desires without expectations! If you do this with expectations, then you have expressed demands, not desires, and that is not going to be very inspiring for your husband. Instead of creating opportunities for connection, demands often lead to distance and resentment.
Here are some examples of pure desires to help you get the wheels turning:
I would love to have dinner at a restaurant with an ocean view that serves chocolate cake for dessert!
I would love to go for a walk on the beach to watch the sunset. You’re invited to join, I’d love the company!
I would love to go for a hike.
I would love to visit a museum.
I would love champagne and strawberries brought to the room.
I would love some time to read my book in the hammock.
Take some time to make a list of desires that are personalized to what you would love to experience on your vacation. Then, share your desires with your husband in the same way you blow bubbles. Imagine yourself putting your desires out there and releasing them, not tying them down with expectations. This is the key to giving your husband the information he needs in order to delight you. You are giving him the opportunity to be your hero and to romance you.
3. Relinquish Control of Everything That’s Outside of Your Control
One of the biggest sources of vacation stress is trying to control everything, from the itinerary to your husband’s behavior. The truth is, you can’t control everything—and trying to will only lead to frustration. Instead, practice letting go of the need to manage every detail. Focus on what you can control—your own thoughts, actions, and reactions—and let the rest unfold naturally.
Pro tip: Whenever you feel tempted to control something and you find yourself feeling stressed and irritable, you can ask yourself these four questions:
What am I afraid of? (Beneath the urge to control is always fear.)
Is my fear realistic? (It might be, but fear has a way of blowing things out of proportion.)
Is this something that I actually have control over? (Often, we are just under the illusion that we can control things. The reality is that the only thing we have control over is ourselves.)
Is trying to control this worth the price of intimacy it will cost me? (Control always costs us intimacy. This is where your vision will come in handy. If your vision for your vacation was to have a fun and connected time with your husband, control might not be aligned with creating what you decided you wanted to experience.)
To read more about how to get more of what you want in your relationship while relinquishing control, read this article.
4. Release All Expectations
One of the biggest pitfalls on vacation is holding onto rigid expectations about how everything should go. When things don’t meet these expectations, it’s easy to feel disappointed or frustrated, leading to tension and arguments.
Instead, try releasing all expectations and embracing the idea of going with the flow. Life is unpredictable, and so are vacations—there will always be things that don’t go according to plan.
Last year, my husband and I took our kids on an extended vacation to visit family in Mexico. While packing on the day before our return, we realized to our horror that our passports were missing! The lost passports messed with all of our expectations that we would be home and back to our regular routines on the date we had planned for. Instead, we spent the next three days in a hot and crowded embassy as we waited for emergency passports and permission to return home.
We could’ve spent those three days blaming each other, frustrated, and miserable. Instead, we shared our gratitude that we were together, safe, and healthy. We chose to receive this unexpected delay as an extension to our family time together. We enjoyed trying out new restaurants, explored the city, and took the kids out to ice cream. We chose to make the best of things and had fun!
By choosing to enjoy yourself no matter what happens, you free yourself from the pressure of perfection. Whether it’s a delayed flight, a change in plans, or an unexpected hiccup, deciding to roll with the punches and savor the moments as they come allows you to experience the true joy of your vacation. Remember, the journey is just as important as the destination, and your attitude can turn any situation into a positive one.
5. Recharge Yourself and Do Things That Nurture You and Put You in a Good Mood
A key to avoiding fights on vacation is ensuring that you are taking care of yourself. While we tend to think a vacation is non-stop self-care, the truth is vacations also take a lot of energy. When you’re tired, stressed, or depleted, it’s much easier to get irritated and snap at your husband.
Make it a priority to recharge your own batteries—whether that’s through a quiet morning walk, reading a good book, or indulging in a spa day. When you feel good, you’ll be in a much better place to enjoy the vacation and respond calmly to any challenges that arise.
Pro tip: Here’s a link to a blog post about brining the fun back into your relationship that you might find really helpful.
6. Refocus on Everything That Is Going Well on Your Vacation
When things aren’t going perfectly, it’s easy to get caught up in what’s wrong. But constantly focusing on the negative will only bring you down. Instead, make a conscious effort to refocus on everything that is going well. Did you enjoy a beautiful sunset? Did you share a laugh over dinner? By shifting your attention to the positive aspects of your trip, you’ll cultivate more gratitude and peace.
Going back to my story about the lost passports, we could have easily focused on all that had gone wrong: Our time, energy, and money that was lost as a result. I was close to tears when my husband gave me a hug and said, “we lost something totally replaceable. Let’s be grateful we still have each other”. Driving through the center of Guadalajara and seeing all the “missing person” signs posted by the highway, that perspective really hit home. We had so much to be grateful for, and a few days stuck in the embassy was nothing in comparison to what other people are forced to endure.
So if things feel like they’re going badly on your vacation, choose instead to make a mental list of everything you have to be grateful for. What has gone well? What has your husband done well? Choosing to see your vacation through the lens of gratitude will always ensure you have a better time.
7. Express Gratitude for Your Husband and Your Vacation
Now that you have refocused your view on everything that is going well, take it a step farther by expressing that gratitude to your husband. Gratitude is a powerful tool for changing your mindset and transforming your experience, and best of all- gratitude is magnetic.
Take time each day to express gratitude for your husband and your vacation. This could be as simple as thanking him for something small or mentally noting what you appreciate about him and the trip. Gratitude helps you focus on the positives and fosters a more loving atmosphere.
This means instead of being frustrated that he booked a hotel without wifi, you choose to be grateful that you now have the opportunity to be fully present without distractions. Instead of being resentful that he invited your in-law’s along, you choose to be grateful that he’s a man with strong family values and a kind and generous heart who treats his family well. That’s not something to take for granted after all!
I’m not saying that your entire marriage should be about you “sucking it up”, not at all. In fact, if you apply the other suggestions in this article, you’ll be getting a lot more of what YOU want! However, I am saying that you get to choose whether to be miserable and frustrated on your vacation, or to enjoy it, and gratitude is what makes all the difference.
8. Remember- You get to choose how you experience your vacation
One of the most empowering truths is that you have control over your own experience. You can’t control what your husband does or how he reacts, but you can choose how you respond. Decide in advance that you will prioritize peace, joy, and connection. This mindset shift can make all the difference in how you experience your time together.
By following these steps, you can shift your focus from conflict to connection, making your vacation a time of joy rather than stress. Remember, you have the power to change how you experience your vacation, and by taking control of your mindset and actions, you can create the fun, peaceful trip you’ve been dreaming of.
To ensure you have a magical vacation, download my free guide: How To Reignite Connection In Your Marriage.
Cheers to your fun and connected vacation, and many more to come!
Xo,
Laura Amador
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