Marriage Mistakes I See Smart, Loving Wives Make (and What to Do Instead To Finally Create Closeness & Intimacy)

Laura Amador
Sep 2
6 min read

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The biggest intimacy killer in marriage isn’t what you think—it’s the way smart, loving wives accidentally give away their power.

If you’re like so many of the smart, loving women I work with, you’ve already tried. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe even dabbled in new communication strategies. You’re not lazy, checked out, or waiting for a miracle—you deeply care about your marriage. You want peace, connection, laughter, passion. You want to feel like teammates again, not roommates.

But here’s the heartbreaking trap I see—even in the most thoughtful, motivated wives:

👉 They accidentally give away their power in the relationship.

And it usually happens in one of two ways:

They go quiet—swallowing their needs, trying not to be “too much,” hoping that if they don’t rock the boat, things will eventually get better.

They over-manage—nagging, micromanaging, pushing, trying to make something change… all while secretly aching for him to just get it.

Different approaches. Same outcome.

💔 Less connection.

💔 Less passion.

💔 A slow drip of resentment that’s hard to stop once it starts.

Here’s the truth no one tells you:

✨ You don’t get intimacy by disappearing.

✨ You don’t get intimacy by controlling.

Real intimacy only grows when you know how to express your desires without fear and without control—and invite your husband into that space with you.

It sounds like a subtle shift, but it’s the difference between feeling unseen in your marriage… and finally experiencing the closeness and passion you’ve been craving.

The Mistake That's Keeping You Stuck

Smart, capable women like you understand that controlling your husband doesn't work. You've read the books, you know the theory. But here's the marriage mistakes I see so many wives make:

You're using intimacy skills to try to change HIM instead of using them to transform your MARRIAGE.

On the surface, it looks like you’re “doing the right things.” But underneath? The energy is still, “If I say it this way, maybe he’ll finally respond differently.”

And when he doesn’t? You feel even more frustrated, unseen, and hopeless.

I see this mistake play out in three frustrating (and super common) ways:

Marriage mistakes I see smart, loving wives make (and what to do instead to finally create closeness & intimacy)

❌ Mistake #1: Performing Instead of Being Authentic

You’re doing everything “right.” Smiling when he walks in the door. Nodding along. Staying calm, polite, and agreeable… even when inside, you’re quietly fuming that he’s not showing up the way you need.

It feels like walking on eggshells—tiptoeing around his moods, softening your words, and constantly managing his reactions instead of saying what you really desire or honoring yourself in any way.

Here’s the painful truth: the harder you try to perform, the more invisible (and exhausted) you become. He feels the pressure—even if you don’t say a word—and instead of drawing closer, he instinctively pulls away. Meanwhile, your needs stay unmet, your voice stays muted, and the connection you crave drifts further out of reach.

💡 Intimacy doesn’t come from perfect behavior or walking on egg shells to keep the peace. It comes from showing up as your best and REAL self.

❌ Mistake #2: Scorekeeping with a Smile

You go out of your way to “be the good wife.”. You’re expressing loads of gratitude, giving him space to make his own decisions, staying on your own paper—but underneath, there’s a quiet calculation: “If I do this, maybe he’ll finally notice me… maybe he’ll finally show up the way I need.”

You’re not just showing up as your best self; you’re expecting—expecting he’ll change, hoping he’ll respond differently, hoping your efforts will finally earn the closeness you crave. And when he doesn’t on your timeline? Resentment builds. Slowly, subtly, like water leaking from a faucet you can’t quite stop.

This can slip into scorekeeping: silently tallying your efforts, comparing them to his, keeping track of who’s doing more. Every unacknowledged effort feels like a small betrayal, and every “missed” moment chips away at your patience and closeness.

💔 The result? You’re working so hard on your marriage, but he’s pulling away. You’re trying to connect, but intimacy slips further out of reach.

💡 Real connection isn’t about tallying points or earning his love—it’s about giving freely from a place of inner alignment, not silent frustration. Loving freely, from a place of true joy is insanely magnetic!

❌ Mistake #3: You’re Relinquishing Your Voice Along with Control

You’ve realized that nagging, criticizing, or pushing only makes him shut down or pull away. So you’ve swung the pendulum the other direction: instead of speaking up about your desires, you’ve started saying… nothing at all.

At first, it feels like progress. You tell yourself, “I’m being chill. I’m not making it worse. This is me letting go.”

But here’s the problem: silence isn’t the same as intimacy.

When you bite your tongue again and again, be careful you’re not just holding back your complaints and criticisms—you could also holding back your heart.

And without your voice, there’s no real you in the relationship anymore.

On the outside, it looks like you’re being laid-back. But on the inside, resentment starts simmering—because your needs aren’t disappearing, they’re just going underground.

And here’s the kicker: walking on eggshells in order to keep the peace isn’t actually letting go of control. It’s still a form of control—because you’re controlling the narrative by pretending you don’t have needs at all.

And that false version of you—the one who never desires, never risks, never needs—cannot create true intimacy. Because intimacy can only grow where there’s honesty, vulnerability, and the courage to be fully seen.

This is how smart, loving women end up feeling invisible in their own marriages: they confuse “not controlling” with “not mattering.

What You Can Do Instead

Here’s the truth that can actually change everything: letting go of control doesn’t mean shrinking, silencing yourself, or becoming “less.” It means stepping fully into your authentic, powerful self—the woman who can create closeness without forcing it.

When you shift your focus from trying to change him to transforming your marriage, something almost magical happens:

You stop performing or keeping score.
You stop controlling, managing, or pushing.
Instead, you start showing up as the woman who naturally sparks connection, passion, and partnership—without a single manipulative move.

Most relationship advice misses this completely. They tell you what to say, how to behave, or how to fix him—but the real secret is about how you show up.

And the best part? There’s a clear, practical way to do this—and I’ll be walking you through every step. If you’ve been longing for intimacy, closeness, and real partnership, this is exactly what you need...

You Don’t Have to Choose Between Getting Your Needs Met and Being Easy-Going

I used to think I had only two options:

Be controlling and get what I wanted—but slowly damage the relationship.
Be silent and sacrifice my needs—but stay lonely, frustrated, and resentful.

Turns out… there’s a third way. ✨ A way that honors your desires and respects your husband’s autonomy. A way that actually creates more intimacy instead of less.

In my free masterclass on September 10, “✏️🍎 Empowered Wife 101 – Fall Reset,” I’ll show you exactly how to:

Express your deepest desires in a way that naturally draws him closer—without pressure or manipulation.
Tap into your feminine power to create irresistible intimacy that feels effortless and authentic.
Transform your marriage dynamic so you’re both happier, more connected, and more passionate—every single day.

This isn’t about memorizing new communication techniques or learning “tricks to get him to…” It’s about becoming the woman who naturally creates the marriage you’ve been dreaming of—from a place of confidence, authenticity, and magnetic energy.

Ready for a Fall Reset? Join me for Empowered Wife 101- Class is in session!

Enrollment for my free masterclass is OPEN—be the first to grab your spot.

It’s happening on September 10, so come join me!

If you've been feeling stuck between controlling and invisible, between demanding and settling, this masterclass is for you. I'll show you the third way that changes everything.

The wives who master this approach don't just get more cooperation from their husbands—they get more appreciation, more affection, and yes, more passion too.

REGISTER NOW - Limited Spots Available

Because you deserve a marriage where you feel seen, valued, and deeply connected. And you don't have to choose between getting your needs met and being the wife you want to be.

Can't wait to see you there!

Xoxo,