I Spent 5 Minutes a Day Appreciating My Husband (Even When It Felt Hard)—Here’s What Changed in Our Marriage

I spent 5 minutes a day appreciating my husband (even when it felt hard)—here’s what changed in our marriage

I know what it feels like to crave more connection in your marriage. To wonder why the man you once shared everything with now feels like a distant roommate. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve felt it too—the quiet ache of wanting more intimacy, more warmth, and more tenderness in your relationship, but feeling unsure how to get there.

I’ve been there. As a relationship coach, I now help women reignite their marriages using the Six Intimacy Skills® to reignite connection. But before I ever taught these tools, I lived the loneliness myself. I wanted so badly to feel closer to my husband, but no matter how much I desired that bond, life always got in the way. Kids, work, chores, the mental to-do list that never ends—I convinced myself there just wasn’t enough time.

But deep down, I knew something needed to change.

I often imagined how much more peaceful and joyful our home would feel if I could just let go of the resentment I was quietly carrying. I pictured dinners where we actually talked, laughter returning to our evenings, and going to bed feeling held and cherished—not just physically, but emotionally. Yet, instead, I found myself stuck in a cycle of frustration. Too busy. Too tired. Unsure where to start.

Then one day, I came across something that shifted my thinking entirely—the power of gratitude and appreciation, one of the foundational practices within the Six Intimacy Skills®. It was such a simple concept, yet profound. Could it really be that taking just 5 minutes a day to focus on appreciating my husband, even when it felt hard, could make a difference?

I decided to try it. No big commitment. No pressure to overhaul our marriage overnight. Just 5 intentional minutes a day for one month.

What happened next amazed me—and changed our marriage in ways I couldn’t have predicted.

Here’s what happened when I spent 5 minutes a day on appreciating my husband

At first, it felt awkward and a little forced. Sitting there, pen in hand, I thought, “How can I appreciate him when I feel so irritated or emotionally distant today?” It felt too hard to find things to appreciate at the time, especially when things felt so one sided already. On those tough days, I was tempted to skip it entirely. Some mornings, my appreciations sounded more like obligations than heartfelt reflections: “Well, he did remember to take out the trash.”

But I kept going.

I reminded myself this wasn’t about creating a perfect list or forcing positivity—it was about creating space for something new to grow. And as I stayed committed, something subtle but beautiful began to happen.

By day three or four, I started noticing moments that would have slipped past me before. The way he quietly folded the laundry. How he made me tea without me asking. The little ways he was still showing love, even when I wasn’t actively looking for it.

It wasn’t instant magic—but it was a slow, steady softening.

Before I knew it, the tension I had been carrying in my body—and in our relationship—began to ease.

1. I felt lighter and less resentful

After just a week of consistently writing down three things I appreciated about him each day, I could feel a physical and emotional shift. The tight grip of resentment that I had been holding onto—whether from a disagreement the week before or the small daily frustrations—began to loosen.

Instead of replaying the same annoyances over and over, I found my mind drifting toward the quiet ways he cared for us. I started noticing how he stayed up late to make sure our home was secure before bed, how he would jump in and help the kids with their projects, or how he silently filled up my gas tank without mentioning it.

Each time I jotted something down, it felt like a small release—like setting down a heavy bag I’d been carrying for too long. I felt lighter, both emotionally and physically, and even my tone when speaking to him softened.

This small act of appreciation gave me permission to see the man standing in front of me through fresh eyes—not as the source of my irritation, but as someone who deeply loves and supports our family in ways I had begun to overlook.

2. He became more affectionate and thoughtful

This one genuinely surprised me! As I quietly began focusing on gratitude, even when I wasn’t sharing my lists out loud, my husband seemed to respond in ways I hadn’t expected. Almost as if he could feel my heart softening, he began initiating more affectionate gestures. Without prompting, he started giving me longer hugs, rubbing my back when he walked past me in the kitchen, or placing a kiss on my forehead before leaving for work.

His tone became gentler, and he seemed to engage me with more patience and tenderness. I noticed small but meaningful changes—like how he’d check in on how my day was going or offer to take over bedtime with the kids so I could relax.

It was as if my shift in energy invited him to open up emotionally as well. My quiet, internal choice to focus on what I loved and appreciated about him created an invisible bridge between us—one he seemed eager to cross.

And the beautiful part? I didn’t have to ask for more affection or connection; it unfolded naturally, almost like a quiet dance we both knew the steps to but had forgotten for a while.

3. Our conversations became warmer

Even though it was just 5 minutes a day of focused appreciation, I found that this simple act had a ripple effect on the way we communicated. I started showing up to conversations with a softer heart and more patience, even when discussing everyday things like what was for dinner or who was picking up the kids.

I noticed myself listening more attentively, without jumping to defend or criticize. As a result, my husband seemed more open and engaged too. Our usual patterns of short, transactional conversations began to shift into longer, more meaningful exchanges. The snappy remarks or clipped tones we sometimes slipped into started giving way to kindness and curiosity.

With every day that I chose to focus on what I appreciated about him, I could feel more warmth entering our home. Our jokes landed better, playful teasing returned, and we found ourselves laughing more often—even over things as simple as who made the worst cup of coffee that week.

What surprised me most was how naturally this warmth flowed from me once I set the tone. By offering appreciation, I was also creating emotional safety between us. He felt it, I felt it, and our marriage started to feel lighter and more joyful.

4. I rediscovered the man I fell in love with

One of the most surprising and beautiful outcomes of this simple habit was how it reawakened the connection I thought had faded. Somewhere between the sleepless nights with babies, managing a household, and navigating everyday stress, I had stopped seeing my husband with the same adoring eyes I once did.

But as I dedicated those 5 minutes each day to actively appreciate him, memories of who he was when we first fell in love began to surface. I started remembering his kindness, his silly sense of humor, the way he used to make me feel like the only woman in the room.

What’s more, I noticed those very same qualities were still there—they had just been buried under layers of my own frustration and distractions. The simple act of pausing to notice his acts of love, both big and small, helped me reconnect to the tenderness I felt early in our relationship.

Instead of seeing just the father of my children or my partner in the day-to-day grind, I began to see the man who made my heart race when we were dating, who used to write me little notes, and who always knew how to make me laugh during stressful moments.

It was as if I had taken off foggy glasses and could finally see him clearly again—not as someone I needed to fix or manage, but as the wonderful man I chose to marry.

5. It shifted my entire perspective on marriage

Perhaps the most profound change was how this tiny 5-minute practice reshaped my entire view of marriage. Before, I had fallen into the habit of scanning for what wasn’t working—what he wasn’t doing, how I wasn’t feeling heard, or what I wished he would change.

But as I spent a few quiet minutes each day searching for what I appreciated, I realized how much beauty I had been missing. My focus shifted from spotting flaws to discovering blessings. It dawned on me that my experience of marriage wasn’t just about what my husband did or didn’t do—it was largely shaped by what I chose to notice.

The more I focused on gratitude and kindness, the more gratitude and kindness I seemed to find. Our home felt warmer. My heart felt more open. Even my view of challenges softened; instead of seeing obstacles, I began seeing opportunities for deeper connection.

I finally understood what one of my favorite principles from the Six Intimacy Skills® means:

"What I focus on increases."

And it’s true. Five intentional minutes a day created a ripple effect—not just in my marriage, but in how I showed up as a wife, mother, and woman.

My story is proof that even the smallest shifts can spark big transformations, and it all starts with where we choose to place our attention.

A note for the woman who feels too angry or resentful to try this:

Maybe you’ve read this far and thought, “That’s nice, but I couldn’t do this right now.” Maybe you’re carrying anger, feeling deeply hurt, or convinced that appreciation is the last thing he deserves. I understand. I’ve been in that space too—where resentment feels like armor, and softness feels risky.

I know how easy it is to feel like focusing on appreciation means excusing or overlooking what’s gone wrong. But here’s what I want you to know: you are powerful beyond words. The emotional tone of your relationship is not just shaped by your husband’s actions—it is deeply influenced by what you choose to focus on.

This isn’t about excusing hurtful behavior or pretending everything is fine. It’s about taking back your power to shift your experience. Appreciation isn’t for him, at least not at first—it’s a gift you give yourself. A release. A quiet rebellion against bitterness.

Even if you don’t feel like it, even if you start by noticing something as small as “he took out the trash,” that’s enough. Those tiny moments create space for healing, for possibility, and for light to break through the cracks of resentment.

You don’t have to feel forgiving to begin—you just have to be willing to try.

And here’s what I know to be true: when you shift the energy you bring into your marriage, your relationship will begin to shift too.

How you can try this too

If you’re feeling inspired to bring more connection into your marriage, this practice is a wonderful place to start. The best part? It doesn’t require hours of effort or big lifestyle changes—it just takes a few intentional moments each day. Here’s how you can make it work, even if life feels full:

• Start small: Begin with just 5 minutes a day. It could be jotting down three things you appreciate about your husband or simply reflecting quietly in your heart. The goal is consistency, not perfection.

  
  

• Find your rhythm: Choose a time that flows naturally with your day. For me, it was before bed, but you might find mornings over coffee or a quiet moment during a lunch break works best for you.

  
  

• Track your journey: A simple journal, notes app, or even a gratitude jar can help you see the progress you’re making. Watching your list of appreciations grow over time can be incredibly motivating.

  
  

• Create a peaceful space: Even if it’s just sitting in your car for a few extra minutes before heading inside, find a quiet, undistracted pocket of time to be present with your thoughts.

  
  

• Give yourself grace: Some days you might struggle to feel grateful, especially if you’re working through hurt or frustration. That’s okay. The magic lies in showing up—even imperfectly—and letting the practice do its work.

  
  

• Bonus: Express some (or all) of the things you appreciate about him to your husband. You've already done the work of creating your list. So why not share that with your husband and let him feel seen and appreciated? This is so powerful in setting a connected and grateful tone in your relationship. Because after all, what we focus on increases, and vulnerability is the key to intimacy!

  
  

Spending just 5 mindful minutes each day transformed the atmosphere in my home and softened my heart toward my husband. It reminded me that change doesn’t always come from huge efforts, but from quiet, consistent choices.

If you’re feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or longing for more closeness in your marriage, why not give this simple practice a try? It might be just the shift you need.

Have you ever tried focusing on daily appreciation in your relationship? Or do you have a go-to habit that’s helped you feel closer to your spouse? I’d love to hear your experience in the comments below!

✨ Want more ways to reconnect and bring back intimacy? Download my free guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage.

Xo,

Laura Amador

Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert

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