.png)
A wife gets ready for bed, wondering if her husband is going to touch her tonight. She hears him start to snore next to her, and she curls into herself feeling lonely and rejected... again.
She cries in sadness and frustration, and wonders...
What is wrong with him? Why doesn't he desire me? Doesn't he care that we have a sexless marriage?
What is wrong with me? Why does it hurt me so much that he's not initiating, and doesn't even seem to miss our physical connection?
You're not alone
If you can relate to this, let me tell you- you're not alone, and you're in the right place.
When the physical connection in your marriage seems to have faded, the ache of loneliness can be unbearable. It’s not just about sex—it’s about feeling wanted, cherished, and close to your husband. When that intimacy is missing, it can leave you questioning everything: “Is something wrong with me? Is he no longer attracted to me? Is he getting his needs met somewhere else?”
These fears are gut-wrenching and isolating. Society often tells us that men always want sex, so when your husband doesn’t, it can feel like a cruel, silent rejection. You may be left wondering why your marriage seems different from everyone else’s. But I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart—you are not alone.
In fact, you’re experiencing something more common than most people realize. Studies show that nearly 25-50% of marriages are considered sexless (defined as having sex less than 10 times a year). And here’s a surprising truth: Moreover, it's a misconception that men always have a higher sex drive. A 2019 study revealed that in about 15% to 20% of marriages, it's the wife who has a higher desire for sexual intimacy than her husband.
I know how devastating and confusing this can be. I know how it eats away at your confidence, how it can make you question your worth, and how it can feel like an insurmountable wall between you and the man you love. But there is hope. You can revive the intimacy and closeness you long for. And the beautiful part? It doesn’t involve pressuring him, feeling rejected again, or having uncomfortable conversations that only make things worse.
The secret lies in a gentle, feminine approach—one that starts with you. You can revive a sexless marriage by reconnecting with him in a way that feels natural, loving, and genuine. This isn’t about controlling or manipulating the situation; it’s about inviting him back into a space of closeness and trust.
You deserve to feel connected, cherished, and desired. Let’s explore how to reignite that spark in a way that honors both your heart and his.
Reviving a sexless marriage: a feminine approach to reconnecting with your husband
1. Change the script that's keeping you stuck
When physical intimacy is lacking, it’s easy to focus on what’s missing. Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “He never wants to touch me,” or “Why doesn’t he desire me like he used to?” These thoughts, while natural, create an emotional wall that blocks connection. When we focus on lack, we end up radiating disappointment or resentment—energies that repel rather than invite.
Shift your focus to what you genuinely admire and appreciate about your husband. This could be his dedication to his work, his humor, his gentle eyes, or his willingness to help out around the house. When you deliberately notice and express admiration, you create an atmosphere where he feels respected and cherished, which naturally invites him to be closer to you.
I remember working with a wife who was heartbroken by the emotional distance between her and her husband. She confessed, “I feel invisible. It’s like he doesn’t even touch me anymore.”
We decided to try a new approach: instead of focusing on what she wasn’t getting, she began to notice all the things she loved about him—how he always made sure her car was running smoothly, how he played with their kids, and how he never missed a family dinner.
She started to express these observations with heartfelt admiration. “I love how you take such good care of us. It makes me feel safe and loved.” Within weeks, she noticed a change. He began to soften, seek her out more often, and eventually, the physical distance started to close.
Action Step:
Determine what is the negative script in your head that is keeping you stuck. Now, find one thing to genuinely admire about your husband and express it out loud. For example, “I love watching you play with the kids; you’re such a fun dad,” or “I really appreciate how hard you work for our family.” Let your words come from a place of heartfelt gratitude, without expecting anything in return.
Practice savoring these moments privately before sharing them. Take a mental snapshot and revisit it throughout the day. When you eventually express it out loud, it will come from a place of genuine love and warmth, making your words even more magnetic.
2. Receive, receive, receive!
When we feel emotionally or physically disconnected, we sometimes develop a mindset of scarcity, thinking, “He never touches me,” or “He doesn’t care about my needs.” In this state, we can unknowingly reject the small ways he does try to connect—like a light touch on the back, a compliment, or even his presence in the room—because it doesn’t look exactly how we wanted it to.
Open your heart to receive his gestures, no matter how small or subtle. Appreciate his efforts as they are, rather than wishing they were different. This not only makes him feel successful in making you happy, but it also allows you to feel more loved and connected.
One wife shared with me that she was feeling hurt and resentful because her husband rarely initiated sex. She realized she was so focused on the physical absence that she wasn’t seeing the other ways he was showing love—like bringing her coffee every morning or texting her sweet messages during the day.
She decided to fully receive these gestures. When he handed her the morning coffee, she looked him in the eyes and said, “You make my mornings so much better. I love this little ritual we have.” He smiled, visibly moved by her gratitude. Slowly, their emotional connection deepened, and eventually, the physical closeness followed naturally.
Action Step:
Notice one small way your husband shows care and fully receive it. Respond warmly and verbally express gratitude. For example, “Thank you for bringing me coffee; it makes me feel so loved.” Focus on receiving with joy, without comparing or wishing it were different.
3. Express your pure and vulnerable desires
It’s tempting to address the issue head-on by expressing dissatisfaction: “Why don’t you want me anymore?” or “We never have sex.” But while this feels honest, it often puts him on the defensive and creates pressure—two things that kill desire fast.
Instead, express your desires vulnerably, without expectations or pressure. This might sound like, “I miss being close to you,” or “I love falling asleep in your arms.” Vulnerability is feminine and magnetic. It invites him closer because it reveals your heart without making him wrong or burdened with fixing anything.
I invite you to get clear about what brings you joy and gets you in the mood for intimacy. What makes you feel pampered, cherished, and desired? Is it a glass of wine after a long day? A relaxing bath with candles? Or perhaps a spontaneous dance in the kitchen?
Pure desires are about what you love, not about what he should do. I encourage you to express these desires playfully and lightheartedly, without attaching any expectations.
For example:
“I would love a glass of wine before bed tonight.”
“I’d love to relax in a warm bath tonight. That sounds heavenly.”
“I’d love a shoulder rub—I’m feeling tense today.”
The beauty of expressing your desires this way is that it invites him to please you without feeling pressured. And if he doesn’t fulfill the desire, you can still find ways to enjoy yourself—showing that your joy is within your control.
Action Step:
Today, share one playful, vulnerable desire with him, without any expectations.For example, “I’d love a bubble bath and a glass of wine,” or “I’d love a foot massage; that sounds heavenly right now.” Allow the desire to be light and joyful, focusing on the expression itself rather than the outcome.
4. Indulge in your own joy and femininity
When we’re feeling unloved or undesired, it’s easy to withdraw, become bitter, or become consumed by resentment. But this creates a cycle where we’re not bringing our most joyful, radiant selves to the relationship, making it harder for him to feel attracted and drawn to us.
Reconnect with your own joy and femininity. This could be through pampering yourself, wearing something that makes you feel pretty, dancing, or simply laughing more. When you’re in your joyful, feminine energy, you naturally become more attractive, inviting connection without needing to ask for it.
One wife felt invisible in her marriage, and she realized she had stopped prioritizing herself. She started a new morning routine where she danced to her favorite music, put on a little lipstick, and wore clothes that made her feel beautiful. Her husband started noticing her more, giving her lingering looks and even initiating playful touches. She didn’t have to say a word—her joy and radiance spoke louder than any conversation could.
Action Step:
Do one thing today that brings you joy and makes you feel feminine.This could be putting on your favorite dress, dancing to your favorite song, or pampering yourself. Allow yourself to radiate joy and lightness, without expecting anything in return.
5. Drop the agenda, focus on connection
Sometimes, when we want something deeply, we unconsciously make it an agenda. This can feel like pressure, even if we never say a word. He senses the expectation, and it creates a barrier.
Focus on connecting emotionally without an agenda for where it should lead. Laugh together, share stories, flirt playfully, and enjoy each other’s company. When he feels genuinely enjoyed and relaxed around you, physical intimacy flows more naturally.
Action Step:
Create one playful or light-hearted moment today. Share a joke that made you laugh, initiate a playful touch, or reminisce about a fun memory. Focus on connection for the sake of joy, without any expectation of where it might lead.
6. Take excellent care of yourself
Your joy is magnetic. When you’re fulfilled and happy in your own life, you become irresistibly attractive. Pursue hobbies, spend time with friends, and nurture your emotional and physical well-being. This not only enriches your life but also reignites his desire to be close to you.
Action Step:
Take 15 minutes today to do something just for yourself.Read a book, go for a walk, or enjoy a quiet cup of tea. When you nurture yourself, you become more relaxed, present, and inviting.
Inviting romance without pressure
The feminine approach is about inviting rather than pursuing. It’s about radiating joy, vulnerability, and gratitude in a way that draws him closer naturally. By focusing on your own fulfillment and expressing your heart openly, you create an inviting, warm atmosphere that rekindles desire.
Remember, intimacy is a journey, not a checkbox. Every little shift you make invites him closer and strengthens your bond. Your desire for connection is beautiful, and your willingness to approach it with grace and vulnerability is powerful.
You are doing beautifully, and your marriage is worth every loving effort you’re making. 💖
Want more connection in your marriage?
If you’re ready to take the next step in reigniting connection and intimacy in your marriage, download my free guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage. This practical and guide will help you take simple, empowering steps to bring back the closeness you desire.
Xo,
Laura Amador
Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert
Comments