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10 Habits Every Wife Should Ditch This Year for a Happier Marriage

Writer's picture: Laura AmadorLaura Amador
Habits for a happier marriage

Marriage is full of ups and downs, and even the most loving relationships can get stuck in patterns that don’t feel quite right. Sometimes, the habits we think are helping can quietly create distance instead of the closeness we want. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—most of us fall into these patterns at some point (I know I have!).


The good news? With a little awareness and a few small changes, you can shift these habits and bring more connection, ease, and joy into your marriage. As you read through this list, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. Recognizing these patterns isn’t about blame—it’s about hope. Each step you take can bring you closer to the loving partnership you deserve. With this list, you'll not only learn what to let go of, but what new habits to embrace for a happier marriage.


Let’s dive in and discover what’s possible when you let go of these 10 habits in 2025.


10 habits every wife should ditch this year for a happier marriage


1. Dropping hints instead of speaking directly


Have you ever spent weeks hinting about wanting a romantic night out, only to feel disappointed when it didn’t happen? You might leave brochures for a new restaurant on the counter or casually mention how nice it would be to “get away.” But instead of sparking action, this often leads to frustration for both of you—he doesn’t pick up on the hints, and you feel unseen.


This year, practice clear and vulnerable communication. Instead of hinting, try saying something like, “I really miss spending time with you”, or “I’d love to try that new restaurant in town!” It’s amazing how much easier connection can be when you simply say how you feel and what you want, without blame or expectation.


2. Focusing on what’s missing instead of what’s peresent


Have you ever spent the whole evening thinking about how your husband didn’t compliment dinner, help with the dishes, or ask about your day. I have! Those feelings can feel overwhelming, and dwelling on them can blind you to the quiet ways he does show his love. Maybe he filled up your gas tank or stayed up late painting the bathroom the color you wanted.


Gratitude has a way of amplifying the good in our relationships. Instead of focusing on what’s lacking, make a habit of noticing and appreciating what he does. A simple, “Thanks for taking care of that—it means a lot to me,” can create a ripple of positivity.


3. Playing the “fairness” game


It’s easy to fall into the trap of keeping score in marriage: “I handled the laundry, cooked dinner, and picked up the kids—why can’t he at least take out the trash?” This mindset can leave us feeling frustrated and unappreciated, but the truth is, keeping a mental tally rarely leads to the connection we’re seeking.


While we can’t control how much effort our spouse puts in, we can control our own mindset and actions. Instead of focusing on fairness, try shifting your perspective to what feels meaningful to give. One wife shared how she let go of her internal scorecard and started giving freely—choosing to do things out of love rather than obligation. She found that this small change not only lightened her emotional load but also inspired her husband to step up in his own way, without her needing to ask.


This isn’t about doing everything yourself or ignoring your needs—it’s about choosing gratitude and generosity over resentment and creating space for a healthier dynamic. By focusing on what’s within your control, you take back your power and set a tone of love and collaboration in your marriage.


4. Trying to control his behavior


Control can show up in subtle ways—double-checking his work on a home project, “reminding” him to grab groceries, or rearranging how he loads the dishwasher. At first, it might seem harmless, but over time, it can leave him feeling micromanaged and unappreciated.


One wife shared how she stopped herself mid-sentence when she noticed she was about to give “helpful advice” about a DIY project. Instead, she said, “I love how much effort you’re putting into this—it looks great.” Letting go of control created space for her husband to feel respected and trusted, which strengthened their bond.


5. Ignoring your own happiness


Have you ever found yourself so busy meeting everyone else’s needs that you completely neglect your own? One mom shared how she felt invisible, running on empty to keep her family happy, only to feel resentful when no one noticed her efforts.


When she started prioritizing small joys—taking a walk, reading a book, or setting aside time for her hobbies—her whole mood shifted. Not only did she feel more fulfilled, but her husband also noticed and admired her newfound energy. Your happiness matters, and it’s a gift to everyone around you.


6. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not


How often have you said, “I’m fine,” when your heart was aching for comfort or support? It’s tempting to shut down or gloss over your feelings, especially when you’re afraid he won’t give you the empathy you’re yearning for. But hiding how you feel doesn’t protect your connection—it creates distance.


Real vulnerability is about sharing your heart without blame, criticism, or expectation about how he’ll respond. One wife shared how she used to brush off her husband’s concern with a clipped “I’m fine” after a hard day. But one evening, instead of closing herself off or venting frustrations at him, she took a deep breath and said, “I’m feeling overwhelmed because of work today, and I could use a hug.”


That small, honest moment shifted everything. Her husband responded with care, and she realized that opening up didn’t require pointing fingers or using him as a venting dump—it was simply about being vulnerable.


The next time you feel the urge to say “I’m fine,” pause and ask yourself what you really need. Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s a gift that builds intimacy when shared with love and trust.


7. Comparing your marriage to others


It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap when you see couples that seem to be enjoying the type of relationship you wish you had. One wife shared that she often felt envious and began resenting her husband for not being more “romantic.”


When she realized that comparison was stealing her joy, she started focusing on all the little ways her husband showed her he cared. She thought about how he made her coffee every morning, how he never forgot her favorite granola when he went to the grocery store, how he took the day off and drove her to a doctor’s appointment she had been anxious about. When she started to look for evidence that he was thoughtful and caring, she discovered that her husband was actually romantic after all!


What we focus on always increases. Be intentional and careful about what you’re focusing on. If you want a connected marriage and a more romantic husband, look for the evidence that’s already there. That’s what will grow. 


8. Assuming he knows what you want


We often expect our husbands to “just know” what we need. But unmet expectations can lead to frustration. I used to wish my husband would take me on romantic dates, thinking it was the best way to feel loved. Meanwhile, he was showing his love by cooking elaborate dinners and working on our home to make it perfect for us. He was showing me his love through acts of service, but all I could see was the lack of date nights. 


The shift came when I started appreciating what he was doing and stopped waiting for him to read my mind. I learned to express my pure desires in a way that inspires. I told him how much I’d appreciate a special night out, and that week, he planned a dinner at my favorite restaurant. I didn’t feel loved because he guessed—it was because he listened and felt appreciated.


Expressing your desires, without the pressure of expectations, invites connection and deepens your bond. Share your heart, and let your husband show love in his own way. When we express our pure desires, we give them the chance to love us more fully.


9. Venting about him to others


It’s tempting to vent to friends or family when you’re feeling upset, but this habit can chip away at your marriage. Once you’ve aired your frustrations, it’s hard to take back those words, and it may create a narrative that paints your husband unfairly.


One woman realized that every time she complained to her sister, it made her feel more distant from her husband. Instead, she started journaling her feelings and focusing on how she wanted to show up. When she needed to talk, she made sure she was all filled up with self-care and anchored in gratitude first, which led to meaningful conversations that brought them closer.


10. Putting off connection for “later”


“We’ll have more time together after the kids are older.” “I’ll respect him when he respects me.” “I’ll get marriage support when we have more time and money.” But the only thing that’s guaranteed in life is the present moment. Why put off something as important as your marriage?


One wife shared how she made a simple yet powerful change—she decided to smile at her husband every day, no matter how hectic life got. It wasn’t about grand gestures, but about showing warmth and appreciation in the everyday moments. That small effort sparked a shift in their connection, reminding her that love doesn’t need to wait for the perfect time—it can grow in the small, consistent acts of affection.


Your happiest marriage starts now


The key to building more connection and love in your marriage starts with small, intentional shifts. Pick just one habit you've identified that’s holding you back, and commit to changing it over the next two weeks. 


Whether it’s something simple like sharing a smile or making time for a quick check-in, your small effort can have a big impact. You have the power to create the connection you desire, and it all starts with one choice. Imagine how much deeper your love can grow when you focus on that one shift—let’s do this together and make these next two weeks a beautiful, intentional journey towards a stronger, more loving marriage!


Changing habits isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Each small shift can bring you closer to the loving, connected marriage you deserve.


To help you take the next step, I’ve created a free guide: 5 Mistakes to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage.” This guide will show you how to avoid common pitfalls and rekindle the spark with your husband.


Let’s make 2025 the year of love, growth, and deeper connection. You’ve got this!


Xo,

Laura Amador

Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert

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