.jpg)
When You Feel Like You Married the Wrong Man: A New Perspective on Marriage Comparison
- Laura Amador
- 4 hours ago
- 3 min read
When You Feel Like You Married the Wrong Man: A New Perspective on Marriage Comparison
When You Feel Like You Married the Wrong Person
She used to imagine she had married someone else...
A man who surprised her with thoughtful gifts. Who reached for her hand in public. Who made her feel desired and pursued. The more she imagined him, the more convinced she became she'd married the wrong man.
On her loneliest days, she'd fantasize about what her life would have been like if she'd married a completely different man.
I told her then, though I'm even more sure of it now, that she wasn’t alone.
How many of us have never compared our marriages to someone else's and wished things were different or felt like we married the wrong man?
The Comparison Lens That Steals Joy From Marriage
Many were the times I'd close a romance novel wishing I'd be swept off my feet like the heroine in the story. Or I'd log onto social media and compare my real life to the exotic vacations and sunset kisses that filled my feed- the carefully curated highlight reels of other people's marriages.
It's amazing how quickly comparison can convince us that everyone else married the right person.
Years passed before I saw my friend again.
The Moment Everything Changed in Her Marriage
The first thing I noticed wasn't her new hair color or wardrobe… It was the sense of peace she exuded.
The restlessness I'd remembered was gone.
As our conversation naturally turned toward our marriages, she shared that her relationship was in a really great place now.
"I spent the first half of my marriage looking for everything that was wrong with my husband," she told me.
"I've decided to spend the second half looking for everything that's wonderful about him."
"And what did you find?" I asked.
Her eyes lit up.
She told me about all the places she'd traveled in recent years.. Italy, France, Spain.. and now she was here visiting me.
Then she smiled. "I'm so blessed to have a husband who supports me in pursuing my dreams. He just wants me to be happy."
She went on. "He works hard. He's a wonderful father. He supports me. He's kind."
"It sounds like you hit the jackpot," I said.
What a different story this was from the one I'd heard years before.
Almost reading my thoughts, she laughed.
"I know. I'm singing a very different tune now. But when I was focused on everything he wasn't giving me and comparing him to other men, I was miserable."
"Now I'm the happiest I've ever been. And we're more in love than we've ever been."
I knew exactly what she meant. I'd experienced the same thing.
How Changing Your Perspective Can Transform Your Marriage
There was a time I'd scroll past candlelit rooftop dinners and extravagant date nights and quietly feel like I was missing out.
Then one evening my husband packed sandwiches, a bottle of wine, and an old blanket so we could have a picnic by the lake.
Years earlier I might have thought, This isn't romantic enough.
Instead, I remember thinking, There's nowhere I'd rather be.
I had stopped measuring my marriage against someone else's and started enjoying the one I actually had.
And the more I did, the better and better things got.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves Shape How We Experience Marriage
I've come to believe that the quality of your marriage isn't determined only by the person you married. It's also shaped by the story you're rehearsing about them every day.
My friend's husband hadn't become a different man. Mine hadn't either.
What changed was the lens through which we saw them.
Every marriage has shortcomings. And every marriage has treasures.
The question is which one you're training your eyes to notice.
We see our lives through the lens of the stories we rehearse, day after day.
And over time, those stories become the marriages we experience.
Maybe that's why changing a marriage sometimes begins the moment we become curious enough to ask ourselves:
What story have I been telling about the person I married?
Xoxo,
Laura Amador
If you're longing for that kind of shift in your own marriage, I'd be honored to walk alongside you. You can learn more about my 1:1 coaching if you feel ready for that next step.
---> Download the free guide: 3 Steps To Reignite Connection In Your Marriage
--> You might also enjoy:
