Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Marriage? Longing for Deeper Connection
Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Marriage? Longing for Deeper Connection
Tomorrow, my husband has his first day on his new job (I’m so proud of him!!).
This has been over six months in the making from the time he applied and it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.
Highs of excitement and hope followed by days of doubt and acceptance that it might not pan out the way we’d hoped.
But let me tell you what we WON, regardless of the job outcome…
Nights curled in each other’s arms whispering about our hopes and dreams for the future.
Mornings running to check his email, followed by a long hug of encouragement.. me wrapping him in my belief in him. And him, wrapping me in his promise to do everything in his power for us no matter what.
Evenings on the couch where he shared with me his deepest fears caused by the pressure he was putting on himself to succeed.
And jumping for joy when he finally got the news that he had the job!
These last six months were about so much more than a new job… They were about an intimacy so profound, it's spiritual. It has been everything I’d imagined when I said “I do” and more.
It wasn’t always like this though...
There was a time when I’d look over at my husband and wonder what he was thinking about.
I longed for him to let me in just as much as I longed for him to be curious about me too.
I wanted to hand him my heart and know that he’d protect it, and for him to trust me with his too.
But at the time, getting him to open up was like pulling teeth.
That’s why I never take for granted the ease with which we share what’s on our hearts these days.
And I cannot even begin to describe how deeply healing it has been to feel so held within my marriage, and to be trusted so deeply that I’m allowed into his inner world in a way that no other person on Earth is.
It’s beyond special. It’s sacred.
And for a long time, I thought that if I could just get everything “right,” I’d finally experience the depth of connection I was longing for.
I tried to be respectful. To relinquish control. To appreciate him for who he was and stop expecting him to be someone he wasn't. And all of this helped a lot!
But when I still felt that ache for deeper intimacy, I started wondering if maybe I was expecting too much.
Maybe it wasn't realistic.
Maybe this was just how he was, and I needed to learn to be happy with what I had.
Somehow, I thought I should be able to self-care my longing for connection away.
But the more I tried to convince myself I was okay without the things I longed for, the more disconnected I felt.
Not just from him, but from myself, too.
Until I realized something that completely changed the way I approached my marriage...
My longing for deeper connection wasn't a problem I needed to erase. It was a gift I had to contribute to my marriage.
And instead of trying to make it go away, I began leaning into it.
I began honoring what mattered to me, getting to know my own heart, and allowing my desires to guide how I wanted to show up in my marriage.
Not by demanding that my husband become someone else, but by learning how to honor both his autonomy AND my vision.
Because respecting my husband didn't have to mean ignoring my voice.
Relinquishing control didn't have to mean settling for less than what I wanted.
And taking responsibility for my own happiness didn't mean pretending that the things I longed for didn't matter.
I could love and accept my husband as he was AND honor my desire for a deeply intimate marriage.
And the more I learned to do both, the more room there was for both of us to bring our full, authentic selves into our relationship.
THIS is the work we'll be doing inside my new program, Fully Known.
You can learn more about Fully Known and join the waitlist here.
Until then, remember…
Your longing for deeper connection isn't something you need to make disappear.
It might just be one of the most beautiful things you have to contribute to your marriage.
xo,
Laura
