“You really shouldn’t let him treat you that way”. “Tell him to shape up or it's over”. “Why stay together when you’re both miserable?” “Have some more self respect and get divorced already!”
If you find yourself in an unhappy marriage, you may have said these things to yourself at some point. Maybe you have questioned your own judgment and wondered if all the pain you’re going through is even worth it. Or maybe a loved one spoke these words to you because they care and don’t want to see you suffering anymore. Either way, it can be very painful to hear. These phrases indicate that you have poor judgment, no self respect, and are a doormat. It can feel like a judge has reviewed the evidence and determined that you have definitely chosen wrong!
Every woman knows what is best for her own life. For some that may mean divorce, and that is respectable too. But for those who do want to stay, let me offer you some encouragement that may be scarce in your life right now. If you are choosing to fight for your marriage, that is admirable! It means you have these four powerful traits:
You really meant it when you said your wedding vows. “In good times and in bad..” You have very strong family values. Maybe you have children and want to try every alternative before putting them through the roller coaster of divorce. Maybe you still love your spouse and don’t want to imagine life without them, despite your difficulties. Or maybe you have religious reasons for staying together. Whatever your reasons, you have chosen to stick it through and do whatever it takes to keep your family together. That deserves a round of applause!
It can be incredibly painful and scary to continue in a struggling marriage. With no idea what’s in store down this path, it can be easy to imagine that you have a long life of misery ahead of you. Despite your fears, here you are waiting for the day that you might get some answers and that things might get brighter. There is something deeply rooted in you, motivating you to not let fear drive your decisions. You are brave!
If you are reading this, it is by no coincidence. You have done something to land here.. a google search, a book, a support group, a friend’s suggestion, or a click of a mouse. That means that you are looking for answers and looking for hope. You are determined to find a way to fix your marriage. You are determined for it to thrive, not just be holding on by a thread. And guess what.. People that are determined often get what they desire.
Somewhere deep in your heart, you harbor hope- that your marriage could someday be intimate, connected, passionate, and fun. You have hope that the fighting could end and that your home could be a peaceful sanctuary. Hope is food for the soul and plants the seeds for what is possible.
The Empowered Wife is a New York Times bestseller written by marriage expert Laura Doyle. This book changed my life and transformed my marriage. I highly recommend it!
I was so inspired by the results that I trained with Laura Doyle herself and am now a certified marriage coach. For more support, feel free to get in touch.
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I'm standing for you!