A question I often ask women is how they would describe their relationship with 1 word. By far, the most common response I get is sadly “hopeless”. Knowing the tears, lost sleep, and heart gripping anxiety they are most likely experiencing breaks my heart.
At the same time, I know (because I’ve seen it time and time again) that no matter how hopeless a relationship may seem, it can still be healed and made beautiful. I have some hope to give you. Will you take it?
Reconnect with Your Why
Why is your relationship so important to you? Is it your children, values, love, fear, or you’re just not willing to give up on the man you chose? Whatever the reason, reconnect with it. This is where you can draw strength to keep you going.
The wonderful news is, you won’t need to just “keep going”, because your relationship can thrive! I’ve seen so many women transform their relationships (including myself), and I know it’s possible for you too. It all begins with your “why”.
Manifestation may sound like just another buzzword being tossed around these days. The truth is, it’s a concept that has helped me knock down some of my biggest blocks to getting the marriage I wanted with my husband.
To experiment with it, close your eyes for a moment and imagine a year out. Imagine that you have successfully transformed your relationship. You and your husband are laughing together and enjoying a connected, passionate, and fun relationship!
Sit with the emotions that come up as you imagine this beautiful scene. Know in your pores that this is not only possible, it is your future. Now when you open your eyes, interact with your husband as though you already had that beautiful connection with him.
When I feel light and fun, my husband responds much more positively to me. Respect, gratitude, and vulnerability all come naturally when I feel calm and relaxed.
Having faith that our relationship would be connected and fun helped me to show up that way. Over time, the happy scene I had imagined was no longer only in my mind, it was my reality.
Expressing gratitude to someone can be like lighting a candle in the dark. This is especially true in a struggling marriage. You may feel scared, hurt, and unappreciated. It may feel like thanking your husband for anything may be the very last thing you want to do right now, especially after all of the pain he’s caused you.
However, gratitude is a healing balm for both the giver and the receiver. Is there 1 thing you can find to be grateful to your husband for? Would you be willing to express that to him?
Hopelessness is one of the most heartbreaking experiences one can have. Despair and total lack of belief that things can get better can lead people to want to pull away from their normal life and loved ones to grieve.
Our feelings absolutely deserve their day in the sun. If you need some time to grieve, I fully support you in doing that.
However, there are ways to do self care that can help you work through your grief and get to a place where you can begin to move forward again, recover your hope, and gain clarity.
When I say self care, often the image that comes to mind is a bubble bath and a manicure. While this can be true sometimes, more often it is something much deeper. Self care is in its essence, the act of self love.
Perhaps this means sharing your grief with a trusted friend, journaling, meditating or praying, or going for a walk in the woods. It could look like sitting on the couch with a fluffy blanket, cup of tea, and your cat.
Self care means listening deeply to your body and soul and honoring it. Give yourself love and nurture yourself. You are worth it. You are deserving of love.
Remember Why You Married Him
Think back to when you first met your husband. What made you fall for him? Was it the way he surfed, had a nerdy secret, threw his head back when he laughed, or how safe you felt in his arms? Whatever comes up for you, write it down.
Your husband is still the same man at his core. It may be difficult to believe this if he’s been mean, distanced, or says he doesn’t love you anymore.
However, he loved you once. He can love you again. There may just be a lot of pain, misunderstandings, and arguments that are fogging the lens. The Intimacy Skills have been known to leave that lens shiny and new again.
As Laura Doyle often says, “a woman with the skills wins every day of the week, and twice on Sundays”.
Know That You’re Not Alone
Feeling hopeless about your relationship can be very isolating, especially if it’s not something you share with anyone. Many of us feel embarrassment or shame to admit that our relationships are in crisis. So we keep the pain to ourselves.
Unfortunately, the pain of being in a seemingly hopeless relationship is very common. With the Six Intimacy Skills, more and more women are discovering that their relationship isn’t hopeless after all!
Thousands of women have walked this path ahead of you. Using the Six Intimacy Skills, they came out on the other side with great success. You can do it too!
If you’re not already, I invite you to join my free Facebook group. You will become a part of a community of women that also want to create connected and loving marriages. You don’t need to feel like you’re on your own!
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