Experiencing loneliness, rejection, anger, frustration, and deep sadness are all parts of the package deal we know as “the struggling marriage”. Being in a relationship like this can really take its toll, often disrupting household harmony, destroying self confidence, and stealing away hope. Healing from the heartbreak caused by a painful marriage can seem like an impossible task. It will take time and it may not be easy, but taking these steps can help you on your journey to healing. You don’t deserve to have a broken heart!
Honor Your Emotions
My second child was born right at the beginning of lock-down during the pandemic. Between broken sleep, hormonal imbalances, and the sudden and ongoing isolation, I soon found myself in darkness like I had never experienced before. I remember rocking my baby to sleep and wiping my tears off his forehead. The grip of postpartum depression held strong for several months. And yet the entire time, I somehow managed to be in total denial. When my friends and family members called to check in, I would tell them that everything was fine and dandy! I told everybody that I was fine- including MYSELF.
If I could go back, I would tell myself that it was OKAY to feel everything I was feeling. Sadness is not shameful. I would allow myself to acknowledge my emotions so that I could then start to move through them and make space for joy again.
I share this story because I want you to hear the words I wish I had heard when I was in my darkness. If you are feeling heartbroken, that is okay. It is normal to experience grief if you are in a struggling marriage. Whether your heartbreak is a result of infidelity, broken trust, rejection, or loneliness, know that you are not alone and you are not wrong to feel the way you do.
Honor Your Needs
How do you feel right now? Beneath the umbrella of “heartbroken”, are you also lonely? Are you feeling exhausted? Or perhaps hopeless?
What antidote can you give yourself that is within your reach? If you’re suffering from loneliness right now, perhaps it’s a good time to call a sister or friend. If you’re feeling exhausted, perhaps it’s a good opportunity to put yourself first and choose to rest instead of cleaning the house. Is there anything you can say “not today” to from your load of to-do’s? If you’re feeling hopeless- where can you find your hope again? Is it through prayer, reading something inspirational, or connecting with nature? I invite you to really get in touch with your needs and to HONOR them. You are worth it.
Heal Through Creativity
I find that when I turn up my favorite music and start a new project, I can’t help but lose myself in it. Giving my house a deep cleaning, decluttering my closet, painting, writing, and trying out a new recipe are all easily accessible, yet extremely effective things I can do to get my creativity flowing. Anything that requires deep concentration can separate us from our pain and open the door to joy and healing. What can you do today to reconnect you to the blessing of being creative?
Tend to Your Body
During times of deep sadness, taking care of our bodies can easily fall to the back burner. However proper sleep and nutrition are vital in helping your body to heal from the physical strains of stress, anxiety, and heartbreak. Over or under-eating, retail therapy, drinking, irritability, and general malaise can all be manifestations of retained emotions. Moving sadness through our bodies through physical exercise also plays a huge role in assisting the process of healing from heartbreak. Do you enjoy yoga, jogging, horseback riding, gardening, or dancing? Any and all of these can do a great deal for your health and your soul!
Receive All the Love
As social beings, we NEED to feel connected to others. This is why rejection from our spouse can be so damaging to our self esteem and can quickly rob us of joy. It is important to find other ways to experience meaningful connections. This might mean joining an online community for support, a community group of people with similar interests, meeting up with old friends, or taking 10 minutes to sit with your dog while you call a loved one. Whatever this looks like for you, open yourself up to receiving all the love that is meant for you- from your community, family, friends, and the world. Don’t turn away an offer for help or an invitation to a gathering. Be open, and allow love to start healing your heartbreak.
Talk It Out with the Right Person
How many times have you been asked, “how are you?” only to respond with fake confirmation that everything is great? It is so important to have at least one person in our lives that we can be real with. So often, we keep our difficulties a secret from fear of judgment. Many people love to take the opportunity to tell us what to do and give unwanted advice, and wanting to avoid this is understandable. It may take some careful consideration of who might be the right person, but having someone to talk things out with is so important. Who do you feel safe with in sharing your heart?
Give It Time
Healing from heartbreak takes time along with consistent acts of self love. Journaling through the process can be a beautiful way to connect with your experiences and emotions while giving light to your growth and healing.
Sign up and find out the 5 Mistakes Wives Make. Also, you can join the private Facebook group: From Lonely to Lovebirds to get inspiration and encouragement as you become empowered in your marriage. I’d love to have you in the community!
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I’m standing for you, always!